Love The Sinner, Hate The Sin

Many extreme Christians have phrases and comments that I consider beyond ridiculous. I often just ignore their sayings and move along. However, the phrase “Love the sinner, hate the sin,” is one that I refuse to allow without saying pointing out the ignorance. Here, we will explore why I think the saying is complete bullshit and people need to stop saying it!

1) There is no verse in the Bible that says, “Love the sinner, hate the sin.” Go ahead and look. I will wait. Okay, now that we have settled that, can we agree that you can’t say it is in the Bible anymore? It is not. You can twist a few verses around to try to make it fit for you, but Christians like to do a lot of that anyway, so that is not a shocker. Just stop saying it because you sound ignorant when you do.

2) This phrase is used against LGBT people to justify hatred. So, it’s ironic to think about the fact that some Christians preach about how God is love and try to act like they are such good and moral people, yet their hateful, abusive, and bully-like behavior toward LGBT people is pathetic. I have been taking a class for foster parenting for the past few weeks with my daughter, who is considering taking in a foster child. At least two families in the class have adamantly admitted that they do NOT want an LGBT child/teen in their household. One mother implied that having a gay boy around her sons will corrupt her sons. Really? With up to 20% of youth in foster care identifying as LGBT, I find this kind of attitude disgusting! But, when I think about it more deeply, I realize that LGBT kids would not want to be in their home either. Who wants to be preached at and told they are not okay being who they are. How about Christians worry more about their own hateful attitude toward LGBT people and less about this ridiculous saying. Telling people to love a person yet hate who they are is a sad way to act like a person who is supposed to show love. To love someone is to show unconditional love toward that person.

3) Who are you to decide what is a “sin” and what isn’t? It seems to me that many Christians choose to identify sins as something that they themselves feel negative feelings toward.  Some Christians see tattoos and piercings as a sin. They think you should not modify your body. They may also see alcohol, cigarettes, smoking pot or even dancing as a sin. Does that make those things wrong? No. The thing that Christians can’t get into their heads is that, as much as they are free to practice any religion they would like, they are not free to force those views on the rest of us. Including other religious groups, agnostics, atheists or anyone else.

4) It sounds so damn self-righteous! Maybe some people have heard this saying so much that they think it sounds normal. It does not sound normal at all. It sounds mean, holier-than-thou and just plain rude and hateful. As I stated before, feel free to believe the way you want, but don’t expect the rest of us to go along with you. When you say that you love a sinner, but hate their sin expect a lot of people to see you as an asshole and NOT a good, moral, decent human who cares about other humans.

5) I know I touched on this above, but it needs to be said again. Telling a person that WHO they are is “sinful” is horribly messed up and damaging. Especially to young kids and teenagers. With all of LGBT kids committing suicide in the United States, it is time that we try to make them feel loved, safe and protected. NOT THE OPPOSITE! I would think that Christians would be more focused on things that are offensive and immoral to most of us. Most Christians use this phrase as a passive-aggressive weapon against LGBT people. However, you rarely hear them say, “Love the murderer, hate that he murdered someone,” Or “Boy do we love that child rapist, but we hate that he raped a child.” Rarely does anyone who has a normal set of morals and ethics try to show a lot of love toward these kinds of people. Which proves my point that it is another cherry-picking technique that is used as a microaggression toward people of whom Christians disapprove.

Let's work on trying to show kindness and love to others, the way you claim that Christ has commanded you to do, and leave the rest of us who are just trying to live our lives alone. It would be great if you would consider stopping using this offensive phrase.

Christians and Sex- One More Reason to Run!

*This post is about sex and some sexual practices. If you are easily offended, consider yourself warned. When I speak of sex here, I am talking about mutual sex between consenting individuals who are old enough and mature enough for sex!
I have never understood the obsession that Christians had/have with sex (well, really the fear of it). I mean, if you use their reasoning, (which I don’t, but let’s try it for a minute) God made humans in his image. God is perfect and does not make mistakes. So, the way we are is the way “god” made us, right? Okay. So, god created us needing sex. All humans crave sex when they hit puberty (at least most) and I think it is pretty natural for humans to want to fulfill their cravings for sex as much as they need to eat, sleep, and drink water. Right? So why do Christians have so many hang-ups about sex? It seems that sex, homosexuality, premarital sex etc…are on their list of “serious sins.”

When I was a teenager I was not really allowed to talk to a person of the opposite sex, and I especially could not be alone with them. I guess my parents knew that if I was alone with a boy/man that I would try things like kissing and stuff. But really, what harm was there in me kissing my boyfriend when I was age 17? Why was it seen as so evil? I felt that if my parents found out I was kissing (not to mention other things) I would be kept in the house until I was 35. So, it had to be kept very secret.

Human touch, kissing, hugging and sex are very pleasurable and we NEED them! Demonizing our sexual desires and making teens (and adults) feel bad for craving sex will only set them up for sexual dysfunction later! We should be concentrating our efforts on teaching teens to respect their bodies, use protection, be respectful of others, and being safe. Isn’t that more important?

Along these lines is the stupidity with many Christians who say that being gay is wrong and a choice. Let’s use the “Christian” logic again. God made us in his image. God is perfect. God made us with a sex drive. We are sometimes sexually attracted to the opposite sex, the same sex, or both. Yay god! Where is the problem?

The problem sets in when religious leaders preach and push their own sexual repression and dysfunction from the pulpit and all the sheep followers begin to think of sexuality as an evil that needs to be avoided. However, somewhere inside them, they feel ashamed because they love sex. They lust after people and they get excited when they see the human body. They take this shame and guilt and push this belief onto their kids and people in their church. I guess if they can’t feel good about their sex drive, no one should. As I have mentioned before, I think a big problem with Christian preachers (and others) is that they repress their own desires- often for people of the same sex- *shock- and this turns into a hatred of the LGBT community. Why? Because they hate THEMSELVES!

What does this do? It makes people feel ashamed when they feel good. It makes people feel like freaks when they are attracted to the same sex! It causes teenagers to try to have sex before they are ready, keeps them from talking to their parents, and may keep them in the dark about the protections that are available to them. Why would loving parents do this to their children? All in the name of god.

Some religions even attempt to tell married couples what they can and can't do within their marriage. Things such as masturbation, sex toys, other partners, period sex, and watching porn, use of contraception,  where they ejaculate (Catholics believe a man should "cum" inside of a woman only!) and other crazy rules are seen as a sin and are not allowed for married couples. I find it beyond ridiculous to think that people will continue to follow a religion that dictates what they do in their own bedroom!

No wonder I ran from Christianity! Who wants to stick around for that kind of abuse when you find yourself attracted to someone of the same sex? I prefer to be around people who love and accept me the way I am!

Let’s teach our teens that sex is natural and good and fun! Let’s teach them to listen to their instincts and respect their body and others’ bodies too! Let’s teach our kids that sex (when they are old enough and mentally ready) is part of life and love and goes with being human!

Question for all you LGBT haters out there? At what point in your life did you choose to be heterosexual? Think hard now! Watch this video!

Peace and great sex to all of you!

My First Kiss: Hell Here I Come!

Most people have their first kiss at school, in the back of a car, on the front porch, or at a dance, right? I had mine in the only place a controlled, sheltered preacher's daughter could have: In my bed. I will explain. :)

On one of my very few visits out into the "world" I met a waiter at the Spaghetti Factory who was beyond cute. Since I didn't get out much, I thought this was the most exciting day of my seventeen years so far. We had gone as a youth group to Seattle and stopped to eat. I whispered to my friends, blushed, smiled at him and thought he was teasing me when he came to the table and asked where I was from (surely I was not the type to have this older nineteen year old flirt with me?). I don't think I could even answer him I was so shy. My friends told him what church we were from.

Two weeks later, at the end of a thrilling sermon about hell's flames, the rapture and why women should always be submissive to their husbands, (no, I really don't remember the sermon, but it is safe to say he covered at least one of these topics) one of my friends excitedly pointed to the back row of the church where LeRoy, the waiter from the Spaghetti House, was sitting, smiling at me as I saw him. I seriously lost my heart, temporarily, and could not breathe. I had no idea how he found this church. It was a tiny church in Port Orchard, Washington, in the middle of the woods. It was like a surreal experience to see him there. After church he ran up to talk to me, which got me some severe and angry looks from my parents. (I am sure they were thinking... who the heck is that OLDER man- he had a mustache-talking to Lori? We need to get her away from him now! She looks way to happy!) I had no idea why he would talk to me, but the warmth spreading through my body told me I did not want him to stop. We chatted for about a half hour before I was whisked away to the house across the street. I found out later that he had ridden his bike (bicycle) from Seattle to the ferry, taken the ferry to Bremerton (1 hour) then got on another ferry to Port Orchard (1/2 hour) and ridden his bike from the ferry (long ride) to see me!

He immediately started writing to me, and I could not stop thinking about him after that day. I was so angry at my parents for lecturing me about not being allowed to date, asking me who this guy was and what he wanted with their daughter (thanks a lot mom and dad! Am I that unattractive that it is so hard to believe a handsome man would want to date me?) and giving me a long set of Christian rules to go by. If you read my last blog entry, then you know that I was on a mission to find someone to kiss me. This guy seemed to be a good candidate for sure!

LeRoy, who I am pretty sure had no interest in church, came faithfully to church every Sunday. He eventually got a motorcycle, which thrilled my dad beyond belief. (lol) He somehow charmed my mom enough to talk himself into our Sunday dinners after church sometimes and was occasionally allowed to stay between services on Sunday afternoon. But we were watched very carefully and never allowed to be alone. This went on for 3 freaking months! I was so scared to let him get near me, because I guess I feared that things would be all downhill from there- lol (What a lot of faith I had in my self-control) But really, I knew he wanted to kiss me, and I really wanted to kiss him, and I had no idea how we would ever get alone. So, one day LeRoy suggested that he could stay after church, wait until my parents went to bed, and then I could sneak out of my bedroom window and we could be alone in the woods together. I compromised, not wanting to leave the house, and we decided that he would just sneak into the room.

I waited all evening in my bed wearing a very sheer pink nightgown. I thought of my family. My parents' room was upstairs and on the opposite side of the house. It was very rare that they came downstairs once they went to bed. My sisters were up there with them. My brothers had a room across the hall with a bathroom between us. I knew I was taking a HUGE risk. It was a warm summer evening in Washington State, and I was shaking like a leaf. I started thinking that perhaps this was a bad idea. My bed was right up against the window and I was sprawled across the bed staring up at the moon and night sky. When I heard the soft tap on the window I almost screamed. I opened the old wooden framed window and helped LeRoy climb into the room. He smelled like Chaps Cologne and cigarettes. I started shaking more than before. I was scared to whisper. He seemed to sense my fear and tried to calm me. We laid back on the bed and he waited a few minutes while stroking my hands, so softly. Then he sat up and leaned down over me. His warm lips touched mine and I was lost in his kisses. With his clothes still on, he got on top of me and we kissed for hours. I was shaking so much that I really am not sure I enjoyed it as much as I should have. That night, Leroy never touched me anywhere, except to kiss my lips. But his hard man "tool" (lol) pressing into me indicated that I am sure he wanted to! By the time Leory left my room at 3:00 A.M. my newly kissed lips were swollen and my mouth was tired. I felt exhausted; initiated into the world of kissing.

I never slept that night. I wondered if God had seen or even cared what I did. Would God really send a young girl to hell for such a "sin?" Why would this God of ours create us in such a way that we wanted to kiss, love, and have sex and then condemn us for being that way? I often thought about God and felt angry at him for so many things. As I teen, I felt he ruined my life by making my parents so strict that I was not allowed to experience things like other teens. Sometimes I was angry and did not even know why. Now I do.

I knew I could never tell my mother about my first kiss. When she asked, much later, I lied and told her that he had kissed me once, and quickly, behind the kitchen door when we had a minute when no one was in the kitchen. I feel sad that I couldn't tell my mom the truth. I felt so evil and ashamed of myself for sneaking a man into my room. I wondered what my parents would have done if they had found him in my room. But, even with all that guilt and shame, I still found ways to do more and more with my boyfriend.

We never actually had "intercourse" but we sure did try everything else. We dated for two years. He even moved down to Florida when my parents took us all across the country because of a dispute between the pastor and my dad (to this day I have no idea what that was). I eventually found out that Leroy was not the man for me, but I am grateful to him for a wonderful memory so many years later. And actually, I am grateful to LeRoy for giving me one more reason to doubt the existence of God.