You have questions? I have answers!

I recently received this series of questions on my Facebook wall and thought it would be a good idea to share the answers here. Thanks for asking them, Shane, and I hope I have answered them clearly enough.

Hello, Lori,

So far from what I can discover on your blog, Lori, is that you haven't been an atheist for an extended period of time. I like to ask new atheists a few questions to see how much in common I have with them. Perhaps you can ask these questions of your readers.

1. When you outgrew your need for faith did it emotionally hurt you? Did you mourn the passing of your faith? The short answer is yes. I did feel hurt emotionally. I did mourn the loss of my faith. Losing my faith hurt for many reasons. One of the most painful things was losing the support and close relationship I had with my family. I am not sure I will ever regain that. Even recently at a family gathering, I felt like an alien or, more appropriately, the black sheep, when everyone had to pray over the meal and many conversations revolved around church. I just don’t have much in common anymore with my flesh and blood family. I love them all very much, but I feel that being an atheist has put a huge wall up and I am not sure it will ever come down. Outside of my family issues, I also feel that when I started reading and seeing that I just did not believe in a deity any more, I went through what I feel was mourning. I often felt angry (if you read my blog you can see evidence of that), depressed, went through some denial, and in general felt a huge upheaval happening inside me emotionally. Change is sometimes painful. My entire world view began falling apart. I had to rethink things like the afterlife, morality and so many other things in which I believed. I firmly believe the change and emotional turmoil I experienced (still experience at times) was normal and I would not ever go back to blindly following a faith, god or religion without concrete evidence. I think it is important to note that I feel like a more fulfilled and complete person now, without faith in a god, than I ever did when I was religious, Religion and faith, for me, caused doubt, distrust, lack of questioning authority, feelings of confusion, and I was in a state of constant unhappiness and darkness. I felt that my core belief of treating other humans with love was NOT a part of Christianity. I feel Atheism more closely aligns with my core values. (See question number 5 for more elaboration on this)

2. What were the key factors for you to conclude that neither god nor gods exist? This is a tough question for me and is really the main reason I wrote this blog. There were several factors and the transition was gradual as I began reading and studying different religions. When I attended classes to obtain my degree, I learned about a variety of different religious views and cultures. Learning these things made me begin to question things like: Who has the “real” God” and who are we to say another religion is wrong and ours is right? I also began to see that there were hundreds of thousands of different branches of different types of religion and most of what I experienced and saw was people locking themselves into a certain doctrine- based on the way THEY interpreted their holy book- and then they would surround themselves only with people who felt exactly the same way and criticize and belittle anyone who didn’t. That seemed very “un-Christ-like” to me and I began thinking a lot about things like…who really is right? The conclusion I came up with is that religion is a crutch that people use to exclude others. Many religious people also twist the Bible around to cater to their own fears. The way some Christians (and other faiths) treat people treat LGBT people is a prime example of this. I do know that many people use religion as a way to feel comfort about death and to feel closer to loved ones who have died. They find it easier to believe the people that they love are waiting for them in heaven. I understand that, to a point, but I also I think there is a time when people need to grow up and face the reality that when we die, we are gone. It is natural and the way it is supposed to be.

Another factor that turned me away from religion and god was the fact that rich people had a god who answered their prayers. Poor people didn’t. Kind of like Santa Clause. Santa likes the rich kids. But the poor kids? Screw them! Same idea here. Rich people have everything they need, simply because they are fortunate enough to have the money to buy it. But they say things like “Thank god! We got a new car this week,” But that same god neglected to make sure that the homeless family in downtown Jacksonville got food. When you ask religious people about this they say ignorant things like “god works in mysterious ways.” Well, your god is an ass hole then! This kind of thinking led me to believe that there is NOT any evidence of an all-knowing, all-powerful GOOD deity, because if there was, he/she would be kind and not allow bad things to happen to innocent children.

3. Now that you're an entity that values reason over faith how has your life improved? How has your person-hood evolved? I feel that my life has improved because I no longer worry about things like heaven, hell, or an afterlife. I do not worry about which religion is the right one to follow. I follow none of them. I feel free and happy to be able to wake up each day- glad that I am still an inhabitant of the earth and I can make a difference every day in THIS life. I have taught my kids to question everything and to read and study on their own and to value evidence and logic. I do not blindly believe everything I am told. If I question something, I research to find answers. I read a variety of books, blogs and articles and feel that I am constantly evolving and learning more about the world- based on science and reason- not on what I was told as a child or on what an outdated book tells me to do/be.

4. For the sake of argument let’s say we both decided that the individual written about in the Bible named Jesus existed. If you could converse with this person now what would you ask him? Hey Jesus, what’s up? :) Can you believe this crap? These crazy nuts in this day and age are using your name and influence you had to have an excuse to be ass holes! How do you feel about that? What would you REALLY do? Haha!

5. In your own words please tell me what does being an "atheist" mean to you? I know the word atheist has negative connotations to many people. But to me, being an atheist means that I am good and kind for the sake of being good and kind. I do not expect a reward in the afterlife. I believe I am a moral and ethical person who listens to my own instincts. If something feels wrong to me, I don’t do it. So far, this is working for me. I don’t have to follow a book to be a decent person. I just have to decide each day that I am going to try to make a difference, try to be kind and understanding to others, try to accept people and love them in spite of their flaws, try to give to people less-fortunate, try to continue to be a positive influence in the lives of my children, try to take care of the body I have, try to live this life to the fullest. I have always strived to live with what I call “the big picture” in mind. When I am lying in bed dying, whenever the end of my life is close, will I be able to look back and be proud of who I was and how I treated people? At this point, fancy diplomas, big houses, expensive cars, money in the bank, how far up the corporate ladder I climbed and many other things that seem so important in life just will not seem as important to me as leaving behind a legacy of goodness, kindness and love and knowing that I passed that on to my children. Am I perfect at it? HAHA NO! Some days I struggle. Some days I want to give up. But, I can honestly say that living life with the big picture in mind is a much healthier way to live than trying to score points with an imaginary deity in the sky.

I can think of more questions to ask but I think that is a lot to think about. I really am interested in reading your answers. I've been an atheist for 12 years now and I've never once regretted my decision nor have questioned my decision to disavow faith. You and I both share common experiences on our treks to becoming atheists.

Shane

Thanks Shane! I am glad you encouraged me to write in my blog. I always feel better when I write. :)

Random Thoughts on "Attack of the Theocrats!"

Sometimes I really want to write in my blog, but I don’t have one cohesive, coherent thought. So, today I decided, so what? I am just going to write what is on my mind right now.

I just finished the book “Attack of the Theocrats: How the Religious Right Harms us all.”
Here are some awesome quotes from the book:

“If there is no God, no afterlife—indeed, if your life on this one small planet is infinitesimally short—then it makes you humble and it might inspire you to plan more carefully.” Sean Faircloth

I would also add that not worrying about an afterlife makes me feel free to enjoy this life and to take advantage of the time that I know I have here to be a good, kind, loving, decent person and to spend every day knowing that I will die. I do not try to be a good person because I fear being burned in hell or because I want a mansion in heaven. I want to be and do good simply because it is the right way to treat my fellow humans.

Here is another quote from the book along these lines from Steve Jobs:

“Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important thing I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life, because almost everything—all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure—these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.”

Even though I have no idea what it feels like to know I will die soon, I have always tried to make decisions based on the “big picture” and tried to make sure to choose my battles carefully and see things from a “death-bed perspective.” When my oldest daughter was born, I remember having a conversation with my parents on the phone about how to raise her. They thought I should follow the James Dobson/Focus on the Family model and see my child as sinful from the beginning and make sure she was properly disciplined. I have always tried to live my life with the philosophy that life is short and I honestly try to use my own judgment and intuition as a mom, rather than listen to some dumb ass preacher who thinks that beating your kids makes them good. I have not been a perfect mom, but I can say that using this philosophy has worked for me and my kids. My kids have all turned out to be wonderful, kind, and productive members of society who have a good heart and who try to be good, moral and loving people. I raised them to think for themselves and I raised them to question things that did not make sense. I never wanted to teach them that just because someone claimed to be in authority over them, they had to “obey” them. I continue to believe that this has helped them to be confident and awesome adults who have their own mind and their own views.

“You will hear Rush Limbaugh complain about “special rights.” Fundamentalists tell us to fear the specter of special rights for gay citizens, though of course, gay Americans aren’t after special rights—merely equal rights.” I won’t go on and on about this, but I am so tired of people trying to say that gay people are trying to get special rights. I am sorry that Rush is secretly gay and that is why he hates gay people, but it is not special rights to want the same thing everyone else has!!! Maybe one day Rush will come out of the closet and stop his ridiculous nonsense, but until then, I guess he has a right to say what he wants to say. I have a right to say he is an idiot!

Moving on to religion and how it is bad for women:

“According to a 2004 study, the most irreligious nations were the most likely to treat women and girls equally. The nations with the most sexist policies tend to be the most religious.” Sean Faircloth

This one seems obvious to me, but this book backs statements up like this with facts and statistics. Most religions, when examined closely, try to keep women down. I mean, read the Bible! It is full of verses that basically tell us we are second-class citizens(or worse!). Preventing women from health care and giving them full disclosure to options available to them is the only way to prevent women from being thrown back to stone ages. Women like Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Susan B. Anthony, and so many others worked hard to help women get the freedom to vote, access to birth control and many are still fighting for women’s rights today. Why would we want to let one religion’s beliefs from an ancient book tell us how we can live in this day and age? We don’t!! So we need to say NO to politicians who want to take away women’s rights and the right to choose what is best. We need to TRUST that most women are smart and capable of making their own decisions and we don’t need anyone telling us what to do with OUR OWN BODIES!

The most important message of this book is in the second half of the book where Mr. Faircloth talks about how we can make a change in our government and how secular governments needs to become the norm, rather than having our country run by extreme fundamentalists who: Hate women, hate gays, hate equality, and who think that blending religion and government is a great idea.

He suggests Ten Guiding Principles of a Secular America. “Our rejuvenated secular America will be guided by these moral imperatives:”

1) Our military shall serve and include all Americans, religious and nonreligious, with no hint of bias, and with no hint of fundamentalist extremism coloring our military decisions at home or abroad.

2) Any federal- or state-funded program, whether offering services domestic or foreign, that relates to reproductive health and intimate sexual decisions shall be based on science and public health, not on religious bias or the denigration of women or sexual minorities.

3) Health-care professionals shall fulfill their ethical and professional oath to address the needs of their patients, and they must do so with no hint of religious bias and in respectful service to the needs of the patients they are sworn to serve—or they must find another job.

4) There shall be no bias based on religion or lack thereof in any land-use planning or environmental laws, and discrimination based on religion or lack thereof shall be prohibited in any employment setting.

5) While marriage can be defined by a religion as that religion so chooses for the purposes of its internal ceremonies, our government shall never impose a religious bias on the definition of marriage.

6) When facing the end of life, all Americans shall be guaranteed control over their own bodies, without being thwarted by religious bias.

7) America’s youth shall never be subjected to religious bias in education. If there is one penny of government funds involved, there must not be one iota of religious bias or propaganda.

8) The composition of our Congress and legislatures shall include Secular Americans, and there must be no political bias against secular candidates

9) There shall be one consistent standard pertaining to the health and welfare of children, no matter the religion of a child’s parents, school, or child-care center. Religious extremists can do whatever they want to their own bodies, but children shall be treated as human beings, not as pawns to be sacrificed in the name of religion.

10) Medical, technical, and scientific innovation shall be dedicated to the health and advancement of our fellow citizens and must never be impeded by religious bias.

When you really think about it, doesn’t this make sense? There are so many religions and so many sects of those religions and so many people from so many different backgrounds, why would we think that choosing ONE religion and trying to blend it with our government is a good idea?

Feel free to leave your respectful comments. Any hateful comments or anything that is just plain RUDE will be deleted. If you feel the need to rant and preach, feel free, but you are better off going to a Christian blog where people will agree with your silliness. I don’t need you to quote the Bible for me- I have read enough of it in my lifetime. Thanks!

Hugs and love to all of you!

Get the Kindle version of Attack of the Theocrats here!

Faircloth, Sean (2011-09-13). Attack of the Theocrats!: How the Religious Right Harms Us All—and What We Can Do About It (Kindle Locations 2726-2727). BookMasters. Kindle Edition.

Not a Happy Camper

Most kids like it when you mention summer camp. Right? My son went to camp for two different summers and attends Boy Scout Camp sometimes and he really seems to like it. When I hear about camp, I inwardly cringe and have to keep my negative camp views to myself. Why? Because camp, for me as a teenager, was nothing but an anti-woman brainwashing session.

My most vivid memory of my Christian camp experiences is not of me cruising the lake in a canoe or falling in love with the cutest boys. Nope. I actually remember that I felt TORTURED that we had to attend a “church” meeting every day 3 times a day. How boring! Girls sat on one side of the outside (i.e... miserably hot in Florida) auditorium and boys sat on the other. (I guess they thought there would be too much temptation if we sat next to one another?). Many times we were broken into groups. The girls would go listen to a woman talk and the boys would hear a man.

The one session that stands out in my memory the most is one that was called something like “Women of God.” We were told that we were to save ourselves for our future husbands. We then talked about what a good woman of God does. Here is what I remember:

1) You should remain pure until God’s choice finds you and asks you to marry him.

2) After you get married, you should always strive to make your husband happy. He is the head of the household and he makes the rules. You follow his lead.

3) When you wake up in the morning, the first thing you should do is get dressed, smell nice and put on makeup for your husband. He deserves a woman who does not “let herself go.”

4) You should plan good meals and find out what your husband likes.

5) Limit time with girlfriends and others who will take time away from your husband.

6) We should always aim to be pure in actions and dress. Always dress modestly! (Which meant, as I said from other blogs, dresses or “Culottes.”)

7) Never argue with your husband. When he makes a decision, you should back him up with a smile on your face.

Well, I could go on for a while, but I think you get the idea. We were supposed to turn into Stepford Wives and become robots for God. I remember thinking at age seventeen while I sat there at camp… Wouldn’t my husband love me even if I did not wear makeup? I honestly got stressed out and wondered if I would be able to keep a man happy if I changed, gained weight, forgot my makeup or neglected to make dinner.

As time went on, I began to become bitter about these camp lessons. (Which were also reinforced in church and Sunday school as well)

Here is what these lessons failed to consider:

1) What if I did not like God’s choice?

2) What about my happiness? Shouldn’t our relationship be a mutual respect for one another?

3) If my husband loved me, he would not care if I was wearing makeup.

4) Both people should cook and care for the house. Why was I a housemaid? Because I had a vagina? Grrr

5) Not having a relationship with other people outside of my relationship felt like torture and solitary confinement.

6) Men in religious “cult-like” churches always worry so much about what “their” women wear. The only conclusion I had for this was that they had personal problems with lust and did not want the women to “tempt” them by wearing something that actually showed they had a shape.

7) If a woman is told to not argue with her husband and that he is always right, where will she ever gain confidence in who she is as a person? What if he is abusive? What if he is an alcoholic? (as my first husband was) What if he is just a control freak jerk? Why should a woman “submit” to a man like that?

8) What about what SHE wants? What if she wants to be a lawyer, a doctor, a teacher, a military pilot, or a bank executive? Why are the woman’s needs not considered?

9) Okay, I know this one is obvious, since if you know me at all you know I am in a relationship with a woman…but what if we don’t want to be with a man? Then what?

I raised my daughters completely opposite from any of this bullshit and I am glad to say that they are both very intelligent, kind, loving women who have a voice, an opinion and their own mind. I would rather have had them be a bit on the “sassy” side growing up, knowing they have a voice and their own identity.

I am also raising my son to respect women and to know that they are his EQUAL, not beneath him. He calls me a “Femi-Nazi,” which annoys me, but I would rather have that label than one in which I am subservient to men. I tell him that a feminist is a woman who wants EQUAL treatment. Nothing more. Nothing less!

The problem with Christianity and most religions is that they fail to see the worth of women. They fail to raise their daughters to believe that they are special and worthy of equal treatment. This kind of message tells girls and young women that they don’t deserve anything good, that they should settle for the first schmuck that comes their way, and that their lives are to be controlled by others. I don’t know about you, but that is NOT what I want for my daughters, or anyone else’s’ for that matter. Christianity, to me, was mostly anti-woman! As time went on, the messages that they tried to put in my head began to change. I realized my worth and I began to see my life as a better place without religion.

Picking and Choosing

So, listen up Bible thumpers! You can't pick and choose what you want to follow from the Bible. Either you follow all of it or none of it.

Personally, I think the bible is a book written by a bunch of racist, slave-keeping, sexist, men. But, if you want to believe it and follow it like it is some god-ordained book, that is your business, but don't be a hypocrite. If you want to take Leviticus 18:22 ("You shall not lie with a male as one lies with a female; it is an abomination") as the holy, spoken word of god, then take everything else in the old testament as god's word too.

This article says it better than I could. The point of the article is that people are being ignorant to take one tiny verse from the bible and use it as the basis for their entire belief system. If you eat any kind of meat that comes from a pig (which I know damn well a lot of you ignorant redneck, "god-fearing" people do) then YOU should be treated the same way you treat gay people; at least according to your precious book.

Who gave you the authority to only pick verses that back up your homophobic tendencies? Why is it more wrong to be homosexual than it is to wear polyester? If you took a minute to THINK FOR YOURSELVES and really look into things, you would realize that you are being hateful, hypocritical, arrogant, and just plain stupid to hate someone for how they are from birth. You are also extremely ignorant to follow a book that depicts your god as a murderer. You sit there and tell your children stories about how god wiped out the entire earth and killed everyone on it and let Noah and his family live. You tell your kids this story like it is a good story. If you really thought about this story you would realize it is a terrible story to tell a child? Some of the bible stories people tell their children are just downright disturbing, but because they come from the bible, they are okay? THINK!

The same people who stand in the pulpit and preach against being gay are the very ones who would never let their children make fun of someone who has black hair, blue eyes, dimples, gray hair, freckles, glasses or anything else that can’t be changed. Why do you teach your children (or congregation) that people who are gay are going to hell?


This week, I found out just how sad it can be to be treated as an outcast in your own family. My girlfriend invited both of my sisters over for dinner at our house the day after x-mas. She also sent them a friend request on Facebook. Neither responded to her or accepted her friend request. One sister wrote to me and told me that they had to do what was best for their children and hoped that there were no “hard feelings” about it. Then said she would love to see me and my kids (but did not mention my girlfriend). Apparently, my parents are not inviting my girlfriend over for x-mas; just me and the kids. Well, I will not accept that kind of hatred from my family. If they can’t invite my partner, then they are going to miss out on our company.

How any family can be so hateful and mean-spirited to their own daughter/sister is beyond my understanding. My kids are welcome to go over there, but I am NOT going. If it is more important for them to be "right" and to hold on so tightly to something so obviously ridiculous, then they deserve to be sad. They deserve to miss out on having me and Catherine in their lives.

 It is so disturbing to hear my sister say she has to do what is best for her family. What the hell does she think I am going to do? Talk about my lesbian sex life with her kids? WTF? I have never been anything but kind, loving, accepting and understanding to my sisters and would do just about anything for them or their kids. I would protect their kids with my own life. I have raised my own kids and have done a decent job at protecting them and teaching them about life. THANK GOODNESS I was smart enough to raise my kids not to hate and discriminate against other people.

I have honestly never felt so hurt and sad in my entire life. Being rejected by your family is really, really painful. I know I need to move on. They are never going to change or accept the fact that I am in love with someone who has a vagina, rather than a penis. Just WOW!

Why am I no longer a Christian? Exactly because of bullshit like this!