Love The Sinner, Hate The Sin

Many extreme Christians have phrases and comments that I consider beyond ridiculous. I often just ignore their sayings and move along. However, the phrase “Love the sinner, hate the sin,” is one that I refuse to allow without saying pointing out the ignorance. Here, we will explore why I think the saying is complete bullshit and people need to stop saying it!

1) There is no verse in the Bible that says, “Love the sinner, hate the sin.” Go ahead and look. I will wait. Okay, now that we have settled that, can we agree that you can’t say it is in the Bible anymore? It is not. You can twist a few verses around to try to make it fit for you, but Christians like to do a lot of that anyway, so that is not a shocker. Just stop saying it because you sound ignorant when you do.

2) This phrase is used against LGBT people to justify hatred. So, it’s ironic to think about the fact that some Christians preach about how God is love and try to act like they are such good and moral people, yet their hateful, abusive, and bully-like behavior toward LGBT people is pathetic. I have been taking a class for foster parenting for the past few weeks with my daughter, who is considering taking in a foster child. At least two families in the class have adamantly admitted that they do NOT want an LGBT child/teen in their household. One mother implied that having a gay boy around her sons will corrupt her sons. Really? With up to 20% of youth in foster care identifying as LGBT, I find this kind of attitude disgusting! But, when I think about it more deeply, I realize that LGBT kids would not want to be in their home either. Who wants to be preached at and told they are not okay being who they are. How about Christians worry more about their own hateful attitude toward LGBT people and less about this ridiculous saying. Telling people to love a person yet hate who they are is a sad way to act like a person who is supposed to show love. To love someone is to show unconditional love toward that person.

3) Who are you to decide what is a “sin” and what isn’t? It seems to me that many Christians choose to identify sins as something that they themselves feel negative feelings toward.  Some Christians see tattoos and piercings as a sin. They think you should not modify your body. They may also see alcohol, cigarettes, smoking pot or even dancing as a sin. Does that make those things wrong? No. The thing that Christians can’t get into their heads is that, as much as they are free to practice any religion they would like, they are not free to force those views on the rest of us. Including other religious groups, agnostics, atheists or anyone else.

4) It sounds so damn self-righteous! Maybe some people have heard this saying so much that they think it sounds normal. It does not sound normal at all. It sounds mean, holier-than-thou and just plain rude and hateful. As I stated before, feel free to believe the way you want, but don’t expect the rest of us to go along with you. When you say that you love a sinner, but hate their sin expect a lot of people to see you as an asshole and NOT a good, moral, decent human who cares about other humans.

5) I know I touched on this above, but it needs to be said again. Telling a person that WHO they are is “sinful” is horribly messed up and damaging. Especially to young kids and teenagers. With all of LGBT kids committing suicide in the United States, it is time that we try to make them feel loved, safe and protected. NOT THE OPPOSITE! I would think that Christians would be more focused on things that are offensive and immoral to most of us. Most Christians use this phrase as a passive-aggressive weapon against LGBT people. However, you rarely hear them say, “Love the murderer, hate that he murdered someone,” Or “Boy do we love that child rapist, but we hate that he raped a child.” Rarely does anyone who has a normal set of morals and ethics try to show a lot of love toward these kinds of people. Which proves my point that it is another cherry-picking technique that is used as a microaggression toward people of whom Christians disapprove.

Let's work on trying to show kindness and love to others, the way you claim that Christ has commanded you to do, and leave the rest of us who are just trying to live our lives alone. It would be great if you would consider stopping using this offensive phrase.

Prayers at Work. Please Stop!

It has been a while. I guess all bloggers must go through stages like this. I write and write and write and then I feel drained. I get away for a while. I think. I write blogs in my head. I think some more. I deal with people at work and situations at work that just annoy the crap out of me. I write another blog in my head but I am too tired to get it down. Repeat.

So, a friend of mine has encouraged me to write again. I have resisted writing for a while now. Mostly because I need so much down time and I never get it. So when I am off work, I avoid activities, like writing, that drain me emotionally. However, after writing this morning, I decided that writing also heals me and moves me forward. So I decided to come over here and write. Even though my family reads this blog (which is why I have not written for a while- I feel like they are so distant from me since I have become honest and open about who I am… and it’s painful).

I mostly want to write about being an atheist in a VERY Christian work environment in the Bible Belt. I recently joined a new department at work. This was a good move for me because the job is much less stressful and overwhelming. Two of the main department heads are gay: A gay man and a lesbian. I thought that this would be an ideal place to work because it is honestly rare to find LGBT people who are extreme Christians. I guess I was wrong about that.

We had a get-together a few weeks ago and shared some food. Just as I was about to grab a plate and get some food, I heard the dreaded words, “Let’s pray.” I was momentarily shocked. My thoughts: um WTF? Seriously? Am I working in a public, State College?? WOW! I looked around, desperately hoping to see someone who did not have their head bowed and their eyes closed. At first, I saw no one. I started to feel suffocated. I started to feel angry. I heard movement behind me in the kitchen area and I saw a coworker in there acting busy. I don’t know if she was trying to avoid the prayer like I was, but maybe one day I will find out that I am not the only person there who resents being subjected to a Christian prayer every time we eat together.

Let me tell you what I have concluded after several weeks of thinking about this incident.

1 1)   I am not being too sensitive to think that this is WAY wrong. Forcing a department to pray to your god is not only rude; it isolates people in other religions (and people with NO religion).

2 2) I find it very wrong to conduct a public prayer session in a place of employment. This is one place that people do not feel safe to say, “Hello? I am an atheist and I really don’t want to pray over the food.” We have to bite our tongues because we have a mortgage to pay and children to support. We also work 8 hours a day with these people and who wants to be the person who makes a big deal about a stupid prayer?

3)      If you claim that you do not discriminate based on race, religion, gender, etc… then this means that you should not PRAY over your meals in a public college.

4)      Doesn’t your religion teach you to pray in private? This public show of religion is just arrogant and wrong.

I asked my son what he thought of this incident. He said this: “How would they feel if you threw down a prayer rug and fell to your knees saying, praise Allah?” Exactly! How about if a room full of people started doing that and there is one person who wants to pray to their Christian god? How would they feel?

I feel that I don’t really fit in anyplace I go in the south. I am a bisexual. I often annoy lesbians who think I should “Pick a side.” I feel lonely at work when people have religious conversations about god, and how things are meant to be. I have had to hear long conversations about how god has a plan for everything, Some of these people are also the worst backstabbing bitches I have ever encountered. So, I vent on my blog.

 I have let go some of my anger. I think this blog has helped. I have a few acquaintances at work who are Christians. We do not talk about religion or politics. I still respect them as humans and see the good in many of them. Some of them, I’m sure, pray for my soul every night. (The ones who have seen my house and my paintings and who know I do not attend church).

I think it’s important for people to realize that the world is made up of many different religions and many different kinds of people. Don’t be the type of person who is arrogant. Not everyone worships your god!

So Persecuted

I have been absent from writing in my blog for a while. Life has been stressful, and, obviously, I don't handle stress too well. I do however get comments sent to my email. I am normally pretty tolerant and let comments go a lot of the time. But I was thinking while reading a comment the other day how annoying most Christians are when they comment on my blog.

First of all, the last few have had various "Churchy" names. I guess they don't realize that they all link back to some stupid church in Canada. I have no idea how they have the time and energy to seek out a blog that is very OBVIOUSLY not Christian and have the nerve to comment that they are offended by what I say. Um, WHAT? I really am shocked that I have to even say this, but I don't give a flying damn flip that you are offended by what I say. I live almost every day of my life hearing rude, hateful, bigoted comments from people. My blog is a place for me to vent, share my thoughts and views and to allow these thoughts to be read by others who may have had similar experiences.

Christians are NOT a persecuted group and I am so disgusted that you like to put yourself in that category. This is not going to be a long rant, but I want to make it very clear that if a blog offends you because the writer does not believe in your sky daddy, or does not share your bigoted views or does not think that some ancient book was written by stupid, controlling men who wanted to keep their followers in line is the TRUTH, then go read a blog that you can agree with. You will be the first ones to rant and rave about your right to bear arms, your right to believe in god, your right to (Insert whatever you want to here...). But somehow, when others practice the same freedoms, you are all of a sudden offended. Who cares? I have ZERO interest in your feelings or whether or not I offended you. Most people who blog about humanism, atheism, or whatever, DO NOT CARE that you don't like it.

The chances of you coming to my blog with your bible verses and preaching and winning me over to "god's side" are 0.000000% Is that clear? I would NEVER, EVER go back to that kind of delusional, ridiculous thinking. EVER! So go waste your time on gullible, dumb people who are too stupid to think for themselves. Maybe you can control them and they won't offend you so much.

Hate is Hate

 The following letter to the editor was printed in our local Folio Weekly August 14, 2012 edition.

Chick-fi l-A Supporter

To: Denise M. Reagan, Editor

First, let me congratulate you on becoming the new editor of Folio Weekly. I’m sure you’re finding it exciting and most challenging as well.

Anne Schindler’s spark will also be missed, I’m sure. I appreciate seeing my testy opinion letters appearing for reader reaction from time to time among a sea of differing views. As you stated, the president and chief operating officer of Chick-Fil l-A, Dan Cathy, offended the gay community by expressing

his biblical stance on marriage [Editor’s Note,

July 31]. However, as I see it, his words in that

Atlanta radio interview express exactly what

mainstream Christianity believes. God’s way

always leads to a happier and healthier lifestyle

with a better ultimate outcome.

I can’t believe that the highly respected

John Delaney, UNF president and former

Jacksonville mayor, would write a letter to

The Florida Times-Union “supporting the

gay rights ordinance based on the teachings

of Jesus.” What kind of Bible and strange

teachings of Jesus is Delaney referring to?

Certainly not found in my King James Version!

[The destruction of] Sodom and

Gomorrah was merely a fireworks display

compared to what we’re provoking the

Almighty to do. God has said, “I will tread

them in mine anger, and trample them in

my fury … for the day of vengeance is in my

heart, and the year of my redeemed is come”

(Isaiah 63:3&4). In the meantime, I’ll be

among the thousands enjoying Chick-Fil-A

nuggets. Hope to see you there sometime,

where God is always smiling.

William H. Shuttleworth

Jacksonville

When I finished reading that I was pissed. Then I was sad. Then I was pissed some more. Then I wanted to write back in response to the letter. But my new job has me so stressed out and tired that I did not find the energy to write back before the next printing of the paper completed. So I decided to write my response here.

Not- so- Dear William Shuttlebutt:

I am shocked and sad that you could actually think/believe that your “mainstream Christianity” is so mainstream that you could write something like this to a local paper and expect that everyone believes the same way that you do! Your letter is so full of contradictions and stupidity that I hardly know where to begin!

First of all: Although this may come as a shock to you, not everyone is a Christian. Not everyone believes the crazy irrational way that you do. There are many different religions and views in this country, in our world, and even in little old Jacksonville, Florida. Just because a few idiots at your church agree with your bigoted, narrow-minded views does not mean that everyone does!

Second of all: How do you believe (and try to force the rest of us to as well) that a god who is willing to “trample in his fury” [you imply anyone who is gay] is also a fair and just god and who is “always smiling” on people because they choose to eat greasy chicken from a chain restaurant whose owner uses his ignorance and stupidity to bring in business is anything close to fair or Christ-like?

Third: Although I do not share the religious or political views of John Delaney (most of the time) I can tell you that he is right in this case. You don’t have the right to twist and interpret [your] bible to make sure it lines up with your ignorance, hate and lack of love for others. In fact, if you were following the teachings of Christ, you would not support a man or his business who so obviously hates a group of people simply for being who they are. It is not “strange” to want equal rights for all people. It is strange to think you can speak for Jesus (who never said a word against LGBT people if you read your holy book) and it is strange that you feel so strongly about this that they only way you can make  a stand for your odd views is by continuing to eat greasy chicken and write to the paper about how right you feel you are. Do you not see how stupid, bigoted, angry, hateful, judgmental and hypocritical you sound? Not sure your Christ (if he existed at all) would approve of your attitude! You can take your "healthier and happier lifestyle" and shove it!

Sincerely,

Lori ( a bisexual atheist who believes in equal rights for all people, whether you like them or not.)

 Rachel Maddow said it best! Equal rights should be automatically granted to all people. Our right to live freely and share the same privileges of heterosexual couples should not be up for vote by bigoted, homophobic haters who hide behind their holy book and have no idea how ignorant they are to people who use their brains. 

It is sad and lonely living in a place that would vote down a SIMPLE bill allowing LGBT people to avoid discrimination.

Random Thoughts on "Attack of the Theocrats!"

Sometimes I really want to write in my blog, but I don’t have one cohesive, coherent thought. So, today I decided, so what? I am just going to write what is on my mind right now.

I just finished the book “Attack of the Theocrats: How the Religious Right Harms us all.”
Here are some awesome quotes from the book:

“If there is no God, no afterlife—indeed, if your life on this one small planet is infinitesimally short—then it makes you humble and it might inspire you to plan more carefully.” Sean Faircloth

I would also add that not worrying about an afterlife makes me feel free to enjoy this life and to take advantage of the time that I know I have here to be a good, kind, loving, decent person and to spend every day knowing that I will die. I do not try to be a good person because I fear being burned in hell or because I want a mansion in heaven. I want to be and do good simply because it is the right way to treat my fellow humans.

Here is another quote from the book along these lines from Steve Jobs:

“Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important thing I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life, because almost everything—all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure—these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.”

Even though I have no idea what it feels like to know I will die soon, I have always tried to make decisions based on the “big picture” and tried to make sure to choose my battles carefully and see things from a “death-bed perspective.” When my oldest daughter was born, I remember having a conversation with my parents on the phone about how to raise her. They thought I should follow the James Dobson/Focus on the Family model and see my child as sinful from the beginning and make sure she was properly disciplined. I have always tried to live my life with the philosophy that life is short and I honestly try to use my own judgment and intuition as a mom, rather than listen to some dumb ass preacher who thinks that beating your kids makes them good. I have not been a perfect mom, but I can say that using this philosophy has worked for me and my kids. My kids have all turned out to be wonderful, kind, and productive members of society who have a good heart and who try to be good, moral and loving people. I raised them to think for themselves and I raised them to question things that did not make sense. I never wanted to teach them that just because someone claimed to be in authority over them, they had to “obey” them. I continue to believe that this has helped them to be confident and awesome adults who have their own mind and their own views.

“You will hear Rush Limbaugh complain about “special rights.” Fundamentalists tell us to fear the specter of special rights for gay citizens, though of course, gay Americans aren’t after special rights—merely equal rights.” I won’t go on and on about this, but I am so tired of people trying to say that gay people are trying to get special rights. I am sorry that Rush is secretly gay and that is why he hates gay people, but it is not special rights to want the same thing everyone else has!!! Maybe one day Rush will come out of the closet and stop his ridiculous nonsense, but until then, I guess he has a right to say what he wants to say. I have a right to say he is an idiot!

Moving on to religion and how it is bad for women:

“According to a 2004 study, the most irreligious nations were the most likely to treat women and girls equally. The nations with the most sexist policies tend to be the most religious.” Sean Faircloth

This one seems obvious to me, but this book backs statements up like this with facts and statistics. Most religions, when examined closely, try to keep women down. I mean, read the Bible! It is full of verses that basically tell us we are second-class citizens(or worse!). Preventing women from health care and giving them full disclosure to options available to them is the only way to prevent women from being thrown back to stone ages. Women like Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Susan B. Anthony, and so many others worked hard to help women get the freedom to vote, access to birth control and many are still fighting for women’s rights today. Why would we want to let one religion’s beliefs from an ancient book tell us how we can live in this day and age? We don’t!! So we need to say NO to politicians who want to take away women’s rights and the right to choose what is best. We need to TRUST that most women are smart and capable of making their own decisions and we don’t need anyone telling us what to do with OUR OWN BODIES!

The most important message of this book is in the second half of the book where Mr. Faircloth talks about how we can make a change in our government and how secular governments needs to become the norm, rather than having our country run by extreme fundamentalists who: Hate women, hate gays, hate equality, and who think that blending religion and government is a great idea.

He suggests Ten Guiding Principles of a Secular America. “Our rejuvenated secular America will be guided by these moral imperatives:”

1) Our military shall serve and include all Americans, religious and nonreligious, with no hint of bias, and with no hint of fundamentalist extremism coloring our military decisions at home or abroad.

2) Any federal- or state-funded program, whether offering services domestic or foreign, that relates to reproductive health and intimate sexual decisions shall be based on science and public health, not on religious bias or the denigration of women or sexual minorities.

3) Health-care professionals shall fulfill their ethical and professional oath to address the needs of their patients, and they must do so with no hint of religious bias and in respectful service to the needs of the patients they are sworn to serve—or they must find another job.

4) There shall be no bias based on religion or lack thereof in any land-use planning or environmental laws, and discrimination based on religion or lack thereof shall be prohibited in any employment setting.

5) While marriage can be defined by a religion as that religion so chooses for the purposes of its internal ceremonies, our government shall never impose a religious bias on the definition of marriage.

6) When facing the end of life, all Americans shall be guaranteed control over their own bodies, without being thwarted by religious bias.

7) America’s youth shall never be subjected to religious bias in education. If there is one penny of government funds involved, there must not be one iota of religious bias or propaganda.

8) The composition of our Congress and legislatures shall include Secular Americans, and there must be no political bias against secular candidates

9) There shall be one consistent standard pertaining to the health and welfare of children, no matter the religion of a child’s parents, school, or child-care center. Religious extremists can do whatever they want to their own bodies, but children shall be treated as human beings, not as pawns to be sacrificed in the name of religion.

10) Medical, technical, and scientific innovation shall be dedicated to the health and advancement of our fellow citizens and must never be impeded by religious bias.

When you really think about it, doesn’t this make sense? There are so many religions and so many sects of those religions and so many people from so many different backgrounds, why would we think that choosing ONE religion and trying to blend it with our government is a good idea?

Feel free to leave your respectful comments. Any hateful comments or anything that is just plain RUDE will be deleted. If you feel the need to rant and preach, feel free, but you are better off going to a Christian blog where people will agree with your silliness. I don’t need you to quote the Bible for me- I have read enough of it in my lifetime. Thanks!

Hugs and love to all of you!

Get the Kindle version of Attack of the Theocrats here!

Faircloth, Sean (2011-09-13). Attack of the Theocrats!: How the Religious Right Harms Us All—and What We Can Do About It (Kindle Locations 2726-2727). BookMasters. Kindle Edition.

Justified Anger

I just finished the book “WHY ARE YOU ATHEISTS SO ANGRY? 99 Things That Piss off the Godless.”By Greta Christina. I was inspired to keep writing in my blog and to keep talking about my lack of belief and let others know the reasons I am ANGRY too! This book made me feel justified in my anger. As most readers of my blog know, I have dealt with a lot of anger in the process of writing this blog and coming to terms with the fact that I no longer believe in a god. Of any kind.

As I read Greta Christina’s book I realized that I have not been vocal enough yet about my feelings toward religion and the harm it does to people. So, even though I may be repeating things that other atheists already say so well, like Greta Christina, I still need to say them too! So I will continue to blog!

Here are the thoughts I have about the book:

1) I don’t need to feel guilty anymore that I have a lot of anger toward churches, religion and the way I was raised. I can take this anger and channel it toward something useful. I can let others know how harmful religion can be. Great Christina points out that this anger is justified- and I agree- and says that we should use this anger to, in her words, “become a political force to be reckoned with.”

2) My anger will help me to be more active in other social movements as well. Like LGBT, feminism, race issues, women’s reproductive rights, etc…

3) I realized reading this book that I do NOT want to be one of the kinds of Atheists who are just like the fundamentalists and take a drastic approach and not allow people the right to free speech and a voice for their beliefs. I am going to try to be a more respectful person when I debate people. I find that Greta Christina is very convincing, in a very respectful way.

4) I am not an intolerant person when I voice my views against religion! I have been told this so much that I was starting to believe it! If someone says, “There is a magic sky daddy and he is my heavenly father and my family and you are hurting me for not believing in him” (well, maybe not those words, exactly, but someone said this to me on Facebook recently) I can say back to them, “Prove it! If you have an extraordinary claim, YOU have the burden of proof, not me!” People, please stop asking ME to prove that there is no god. If you claim there is one, you have the burden of proof. Great Christina says so! Also, when people tell me things like, “You have no absolute basis for morality without God, The Bible or religion, I can tell them that I AM a moral and ethical person and I am an atheist! I will also continue to do awesome things and show people that atheists ROCK!! Anyone who knows me knows I am a very compassionate, kind and helpful person who does far more good in the world than some conservative Christians who sit on their asses and judge me. I can work circles around them all! (Ha!)

5) I think it is really awesome that Great Christina mentioned that many atheists are not only angry for ourselves but that we are angry at what religion does to other people. We are angry when we see the harm that religion and religious leaders have done to their followers. She says, “Atheists are angry because we have a sense of justice. Atheists are angry because we see millions of people being terribly harmed by religion, and our hearts go out to them, and we feel motivated to bloody well do something about it.
Atheists aren’t angry because there is something wrong with us.
Atheists are angry because there’s something right with us.”

Exactly! Thanks for always saying it so very well Greta Christina!


Here is my own personal list of top 10 reasons I am ANGRY.

1) I am angry that women are being taught by their church leaders every day that they are “less than” and are beneath men simply because they have a vagina. Grrr

2) I am angry when I think about children in my life that I love and adore being told they will go to hell and burn in the lake of fire forever if they don’t believe in the Christian God.

3) I am angry that the principal at Clay Hill Elementary School (Right down the street from our house) thinks it is okay to allow a local pastor to come on public school property and ask kids and parents to meet him at the flagpole for prayers. This is a clear violation of the separation of church and state. If these people were Buddhist and wanted to lead prayers at the flag pole these very same people would pitch a HUGE FIT. Details of story here
4) I get angry when people tell me there is no way I can be a moral and ethical person. Some of these people KNOW me and know that I AM a moral and ethical person!!

5) I get angry when I find out that my ex-girlfriend’s mom said that she would never allow an atheist into her home- like we are some kind of demon or something.

6) I am angry that I calmly read Christian Bible verses and religious crap all day on Facebook and either ignore it or hide it because I love the people who post it. But when I want to post something about my atheism or being bisexual, I get told I should not put that on Facebook, or that I should focus on other things, or that I should consider giving their “god” a chance. Blah blah blah They have a right to say it. I have a right to get angry and say what I want back on MY FACEBOOK PAGE DAMN IT!

7) I am angry that I feel cut off from my parents and some siblings because I don’t believe in their god/religion. I miss feeling close to my mom and dad.

8) I get angry when I hear people use the Bible to hand pick verses that justify their hatred of LGBT people. I would rather hear someone say they hate gay people than to hear them say, I love the sinner and hate the sin kind of bull shit that comes out of the mouths of so-called “Christ-followers.” (p.s. either way, I get angry lol)

9) I am angry that for the longest time, I have felt guilty about sex, and have had a difficult time coming to terms with my sexuality simply because I was raised to be ashamed of my body, to hide my body and to feel like I need to cover my body.

10) I get angry when I realize that I live in the Bible Belt and there are not many people who live around me that feel this way. Or are there? Come out!!!

If you have not read Greta Christina's  book, buy it today! It is so well worth the read and I am going to keep it on my Kindle on my iPhone so that when I get into a religious debate, I can whip out that book and say, “Well, Greta Christina says….” SO THERE!!

Here is a link to a video introduction of the book.

Here is a link to Amazon where you can buy the Ebook




By the way, I am aware I  have other "angry" lists and a blog about my anger. I wanted to write another one. Just call this blog my angry rant update.

God is not good, or existent (that I can see) but life is....

Sometimes when I don't write in my blog for so long, it is because I am having a difficult time. But lately, I really am doing well.

I have been working on healing myself. I am no longer in a relationship of any kind. I feel fulfilled and happy to be on my own for the first time in my life. My breakup with my last girlfriend was tough, but I learned a lot about myself. Rather than ask myself (when I make mistakes) what was I thinking? I am learning to ask myself, What was I learning? I can definitely say I have been learning a lot.

I have learned to ignore people who don't like or understand the fact that I am bisexual. Nothing is going to change that. I really don't think I would change myself, even if I could. I like being this way. It is difficult when my parents don't acknowledge the fact that I am, or when they think I am choosing to be this way, or when other people judge me and think I am just unable to make up my mind. But honestly, I like myself! I still feel pain every day when I think about my parents and the way they disapprove of me. No matter how old I get, I still want my parents to love me and to be proud of me. I am pretty sure they love me, but I wonder if they will ever accept me as I am and be proud of the person that I am.

Yes, I am still an atheist. I always will be. Until I see some real evidence that there is a god, which every day convinces me more and more that there isn't, then I will stick with logic and just say we have this one life, so I am going to do everything I can to make it great. I feel less angry about the way I was raised. I can see my parents were just doing the best they could. I can see they turned to religion as a way to cope with life. I understand that. I am trying to learn to judge them less and to understand things from their perspective. They are really good grandparents to my kids and I appreciate that they spend time with Noah almost every week and that they drive him to Boyscouts. He enjoys spending time with them too.

Noah and me on his birthday: November 1st

I have also learned that I am stronger than I thought possible. 75 days ago, I started working out and counting my calories. In the beginning, my reasons for this were strictly to get into my favorite jeans that had become tight. Now I realize I have gained a whole lot more out of this experience. I have gained confidence! I never thought I would be motivated enough to stick with a program like this. But I just keep telling myself I can do it!I realize I can do so much more than I give myself credit for- which has helped me in every area of my life. So far I have lost 13 pounds. I have about 7 more pounds to my goal weight. My jeans that I wanted to fit me are now baggy. :) I bought some news ones!

Things I want to continue to work on:
1) Being more accepting of people who have different beliefs than I do.
2) Trying to see things from the perspective of others.
3) Forgiving people who have hurt me.
4) Letting things go. Sometimes I am just too sensitive and I get my feelings hurt very easily.
5) Being the best and most moral person that I can be so that I can show others that imaginary beings are not what makes us good people. WE are what makes us good people. WE have it all inside of us.

Who would have known there were abs under there?

I will be writing again soon. I just wanted to give a quick update.

Thanks to those who read my blog! I appreciate it!

A special and BIG thanks to Vyckie Garrison for all the mentions on Twitter. Check out her awesome blog here:
http://nolongerquivering.com/

Those Angry Atheists!

“I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.” Mahatma Gandhi

I recently had a Facebook show-down with my ex-sister in law. (And others who had to put their two-cent about religion on my page) I have posted the positive replies and the supportive responses here as well as the stupid crap that people feel they HAD to say. Here is how it went.

I posted this status update on Facebook:

I just realized a bunch of people deleted me as a friend from Facebook. Pshh What was it? That fact that I am bisexual and speak out for gay rights? Or wait.. maybe it was the post about not beating your kids? No? Ohhh It was the fact that I am not a Bible thumping conservative? Oh well. No big loss! If you dump people who have been your friend that long because they think differently, you are more close-minded that I thought!!

Now, I am all for people stating their opinion and disagreeing with me. But I DON’T appreciate people telling me how to feel, how to believe, and what kinds of things I should or should not post on my OWN Facebook page. Here are some of the responses I received:

1) Friend Joyce: “No way I'm deleting you as a friend! I love you and to be completely honest I love you more now that you're being honest about who you are :) I’m too old for lying about who or what or when or why or where LOL just tell me the truth...I’m a big girl...in lot of ways :) “

2) Friend Amy: “good riddance. There’s a reason spring cleaning feels good. (I know it's not spring but you know what I mean.) Adios, nut-jobs.”

3) Friend Step Up: I ♥ this post! Keep being you!

4) Friend Eric Ragle: Florida sounds just as backwards as Tennessee. Stay strong! You're awesome.

5) Friend Laura Caton-David: As a native East Tennessean (now in FL), I can tell you that in many ways it is just as backwards or even more so!

6) A friend and former boss: Lenroy Jones ‎...can't get rid of me that easy :-) much love coming from Lexington! You’re still the beautiful person that I met in Jacksonville Florida! Awesome Lady!!! ..and highly intelligent. Me back: Lori Graham Atkinson Thanks Lenroy! :) That made my day!!!

7) Former student Kelsey: Love you, Ms. Atkinson :) You've always been one of my biggest Role-Models ♥

8) Cousin Jennifer: Hey You, Lori! I won't leave you...I am totally the proudest sister of a gay man and am very grateful to have an open mind! I love you, cousin of mine :)

9) Cousin Jim: Lori, there is a God as I know deep down that even when things are not going right as they rarely do, God is there. I can't prove it anymore than I can prove the existence of infinity. The God we all hoped for and believed in as a child has been replaced by the God of mercy who lets us learn from our decisions. Pray for mercy, be merciful, and you will see God act in your life. I'll keep you in my prayers.


10) My response to Jim: Hi Cuz, I respect your right to believe in a god. I like things that can be proven and I like evidence. I don't like blindly following something because of a vague feeling or because of a deep down feeling. When I see some evidence of a god, I will believe it. Thanks for your input though.

11) Cousin Jim’s response back: I understand Lori, I'm an Engineer and have studied science my whole life and still can't find evidence for many of the theories that have been put forth. Get under the stars for several hours and keep looking, if you don't believe in God after spending several hours looking at creation and trying to imagine that it was all created randomly from nothing with no beginning, you must be looking at something else. There is nothing vague about the feeling you should get when contemplating the vastness of the universe. Maybe a bottle of wine will help?

12) My Response back again to Cousin Jim: Cuz Jim, I live way out in the country with a lot of trees and an acre of land. My son and I love to lie out on the hammock and look at the stars. We love to name them, talk about them, etc... The feeling I get is one of amazement at the beauty. I don't give credit to a god for the beauty any more than I give credit to a god for my awesome son! Just because something is awesome and beautiful and can't be explained by science, does not mean we have to "fill in the blanks" with a god.

13) Cuz Jim back to me: Not just "a god" the one and only God; Jesus Christ as taught and preached by the only institution revealed to preach Him, that, of course, being the Catholic Church Lori. Set up by God himself to teach us. He's as real as it gets and unlike a lot of scientific ideas, Jesus Christ has stood the test of time. Look into the One, Holy, Catholic, and Apostolic Church and what truth they teach before you listen to all the "modern" ideas, most of which will be gone with the wind before you know it. Truth; whether it be scientific or religious can never be contradicted by truth, there is nothing to be afraid of.

14) My response back to Jim: I don't agree with you, Jim. But I respect your right to believe the way you do.

15) Cousin Jim’s final words: I love you Cousin Lori, hope to see you soon! It was a lot of fun getting to know you the little bit of time that we did while you were here. By the way, you don't have to agree with me Lori Graham Atkinson, I'm just a flawed guy trying to make my way in the great big sandbox.

16) Other friends:

I think you're awesome, Lori!

Not me lady!!!! We haven't even met but I respect you and you stay on my Facebook!!!!!!

For what it's worth, you're still one of my favorite people.

AMEN SISTER!! Good for you! If someone doesn't like who you are or your thoughts, they can go piss off. :)

(Best friend and more... Mel) I understand all of your views on religion, or whatever point you're trying to make to Lori. You say you love her and then try to push your own beliefs down her throat. Do you honestly think you get her to quit believing what she does by being pushy? Probably not. No more than she can make you abandon your beliefs. Why not try something new. How about simply saying I love you no matter what you believe, or who you are. I am here whenever you need a shoulder. I don't know...just a thought. Here's a little bit of education for a few of you that like to use the word 'CHOICE'. Being gay, bisexual, straight, transgendered or whatever is not a choice. That's why it's called a lifestyle NOT a “choicestyle. “

17) Ex sis-in-law, Myrna: I'm not dumping you! God isn't dumping you, either! Love yourself enough so that it doesn't matter if those you think should love you, don't. I miss the happy, joyful Lori with a great sense of humor. Reading angry posts all the time makes me want to sign off FB. Just my thoughts! Love you!
18) My reply to sis-in-law Myrna: Myrna, If you were in my situation, you would be angry too. I have LOST MOST OF MY IMMEDIATE FAMILY because of religion and ignorance. Please DO take me of Facebook if you can't handle the good, the happy, the angry and the rest of me. I am still the same Lori that you helped with birthing Angie. I am the same Lori that loved and took care of Helen when she was ill. I am the same Lori that laughed and had fun with you and Chuck when I was still with Joe. I am the same Lori- only more outspoken and I WILL NOT be silenced by people when I am having a difficult time. I keep Facebook as a way to stay in touch with friends and family. I also feel that MY page is MY page and I can vent when I want to vent. If people do not SPEAK UP and STAND UP for injustice and ignorance than it will continue. I LOVE MYSELF enough to speak my mind. Sitting by quietly is not the way to accomplish change. I love you Myrna, and I will always see you as my sister-in-law, but please know I will understand if my FB posts upset you and you delete me as a friend. p.s. I no longer believe there is a "god." If there was a god, so much injustice would not be going on in the world. If this "god" is all powerful, then he/she/it needs to step up and start doing some good in the world!

19) Ex sis-in-law back: Lori, I'm going to say this again and I hope you hear me. I LOVE YOU! You are my friend. I'm not going to remove you as a friend on FB or in life. It isn't that your posts upset me as much as I miss the balance of good happy thoughts along with your personal views on life and politics, religion and loyalties. I don't see happy Lori anymore. If you weren't my sis-in-law, I wouldn't bother to offer my thoughts. I'm sad you renounce God because I do and always have believed He is the only One who has the answers you are looking for. I just hate to see you go through life as an 'angry person'. It will suck the life out of you. Of course, you can have your 'voice' on things and issues that you are passionate about, but you were never taught the love of God whose Peace passes all understanding. I hope you will have as open of a mind about that as you hope others will have about your choices and sexuality. There is a lot of ignorance and intolerance about Christianity and relationship with God as well. Be forgiving! Sending you big Hugs and I will continue to pray for you to find happiness and peace.

20) Me back to sis-in-law: Myrna: I miss the old Myrna that was less conservative, more fun, more open minded and accepting and less judgmental, but I don't go on your page and tell you that. Why? It is your page and your voice. Please don't pretend to know how many versions of "god" I have had crammed down my throat. I WAS taught about god in every way, shape, and form and I have found it all to be a bunch of shit. That is part of my anger. I will pull out of the anger and move ahead, but I need supportive friends who understand this. Many, I should say MOST, Christians deserve the intolerance because they try to cram god down the faces of others in every aspect, including politics. Please don't tell me to be forgiving. You have no idea how it feels to be me.

The same day of this exchange, I came home to find my 14-year-old cat, Casper dead. So I was not having a good day anyway. But the point I would like to make here is this: Please don’t tell people how to feel when they are having a difficult time. Also, trying to cram your religion down someone’s throat is NOT going to make them post more positive and happy Facebook statuses. For the record, I don’t think my posts are very negative. When I am going through a tough time (Like a recent breakup with my girlfriend, or having to take my ex BF for to court because he would NOT LEAVE ME ALONE) I was quiet and did not post much on Facebook.

My choices when reading these kinds of responses (the annoying ones) were 1) Ignore them 2) act like I agree with them and not let them know they made me angry 3) Be myself, realize this is my Facebook page and tell people what I NEED to say. Obviously, you see I chose number 3!

Many anti-theists have written about why we are angry. We have a good reason to be! Here is one of the best explanations of why atheists are angry by Greta Christina.


I would like to add a few of my own reasons that I am angry.

1) When I took my ex- partner of nine years to court for harassing me, jeopardizing my job by stopping by, emailing and leaving notes on my car, my father, my very own DAD, wrote a letter FOR my ex. Not only did he, or my mom, not support me, but they wrote a letter FOR the man who has made my life miserable. WHY? Because they don’t agree with my “lesbian lifestyle” and they think I have gone off the deep end because I came out as an atheist. THIS MAKES ME ANGRY. But most of all, it hurts me. Some days I cry every day because I feel a major loss. If my parents had died, it would have been sad. But having them ignore me, and basically disown me is far more hurtful. Anger is a natural stage of mourning. So get off my back!

2) I am angry because I live in the Deep South and I am a minority any place I go. There are very few atheists or bisexuals where I live. It is lonely and I often feel angry when I am in a conversation with someone and they ASSUME that I believe in their god. I DON’T!

3) When I want to put a post on Facebook, I get the above responses. The ones that make the angriest are the ones that, again, ASSUME that everyone agrees with them. Like this: “You were never taught the love of God whose Peace passes all understanding. I hope you will have as open of a mind about that as you hope others will have about your choices and sexuality. There is a lot of ignorance and intolerance about Christianity and relationship with God as well. Be forgiving! Sending you big Hugs and I will continue to pray for you to find happiness and peace.” PLEASE don’t tell people what they were or were not taught! It tends to make them upset, and yes, angry! Don’t tell someone to be forgiving either. I will forgive… in my own time. And, if you want to know how I feel about someone telling me they will pray for me. Read this.

Finally, I feel that I am not defined by my anger. I AM angry sometimes and sometimes I feel at peace. But just because I am angry, does not mean I have to be defined as an "angry person." I am going through the motions and going through the stages in the best way that I can. Please, please, please people who claim to be Christians: If you want to come across like your Christ, then stop judging and start showing love and compassion. Whether or not someone believes the same way that you do.

The longer I am out of Christianity, the more I can clearly see how much of a cult it is. I will NEVER go back and I feel freer every day. Angry? Sometimes. Get over it!!

Not a Happy Camper

Most kids like it when you mention summer camp. Right? My son went to camp for two different summers and attends Boy Scout Camp sometimes and he really seems to like it. When I hear about camp, I inwardly cringe and have to keep my negative camp views to myself. Why? Because camp, for me as a teenager, was nothing but an anti-woman brainwashing session.

My most vivid memory of my Christian camp experiences is not of me cruising the lake in a canoe or falling in love with the cutest boys. Nope. I actually remember that I felt TORTURED that we had to attend a “church” meeting every day 3 times a day. How boring! Girls sat on one side of the outside (i.e... miserably hot in Florida) auditorium and boys sat on the other. (I guess they thought there would be too much temptation if we sat next to one another?). Many times we were broken into groups. The girls would go listen to a woman talk and the boys would hear a man.

The one session that stands out in my memory the most is one that was called something like “Women of God.” We were told that we were to save ourselves for our future husbands. We then talked about what a good woman of God does. Here is what I remember:

1) You should remain pure until God’s choice finds you and asks you to marry him.

2) After you get married, you should always strive to make your husband happy. He is the head of the household and he makes the rules. You follow his lead.

3) When you wake up in the morning, the first thing you should do is get dressed, smell nice and put on makeup for your husband. He deserves a woman who does not “let herself go.”

4) You should plan good meals and find out what your husband likes.

5) Limit time with girlfriends and others who will take time away from your husband.

6) We should always aim to be pure in actions and dress. Always dress modestly! (Which meant, as I said from other blogs, dresses or “Culottes.”)

7) Never argue with your husband. When he makes a decision, you should back him up with a smile on your face.

Well, I could go on for a while, but I think you get the idea. We were supposed to turn into Stepford Wives and become robots for God. I remember thinking at age seventeen while I sat there at camp… Wouldn’t my husband love me even if I did not wear makeup? I honestly got stressed out and wondered if I would be able to keep a man happy if I changed, gained weight, forgot my makeup or neglected to make dinner.

As time went on, I began to become bitter about these camp lessons. (Which were also reinforced in church and Sunday school as well)

Here is what these lessons failed to consider:

1) What if I did not like God’s choice?

2) What about my happiness? Shouldn’t our relationship be a mutual respect for one another?

3) If my husband loved me, he would not care if I was wearing makeup.

4) Both people should cook and care for the house. Why was I a housemaid? Because I had a vagina? Grrr

5) Not having a relationship with other people outside of my relationship felt like torture and solitary confinement.

6) Men in religious “cult-like” churches always worry so much about what “their” women wear. The only conclusion I had for this was that they had personal problems with lust and did not want the women to “tempt” them by wearing something that actually showed they had a shape.

7) If a woman is told to not argue with her husband and that he is always right, where will she ever gain confidence in who she is as a person? What if he is abusive? What if he is an alcoholic? (as my first husband was) What if he is just a control freak jerk? Why should a woman “submit” to a man like that?

8) What about what SHE wants? What if she wants to be a lawyer, a doctor, a teacher, a military pilot, or a bank executive? Why are the woman’s needs not considered?

9) Okay, I know this one is obvious, since if you know me at all you know I am in a relationship with a woman…but what if we don’t want to be with a man? Then what?

I raised my daughters completely opposite from any of this bullshit and I am glad to say that they are both very intelligent, kind, loving women who have a voice, an opinion and their own mind. I would rather have had them be a bit on the “sassy” side growing up, knowing they have a voice and their own identity.

I am also raising my son to respect women and to know that they are his EQUAL, not beneath him. He calls me a “Femi-Nazi,” which annoys me, but I would rather have that label than one in which I am subservient to men. I tell him that a feminist is a woman who wants EQUAL treatment. Nothing more. Nothing less!

The problem with Christianity and most religions is that they fail to see the worth of women. They fail to raise their daughters to believe that they are special and worthy of equal treatment. This kind of message tells girls and young women that they don’t deserve anything good, that they should settle for the first schmuck that comes their way, and that their lives are to be controlled by others. I don’t know about you, but that is NOT what I want for my daughters, or anyone else’s’ for that matter. Christianity, to me, was mostly anti-woman! As time went on, the messages that they tried to put in my head began to change. I realized my worth and I began to see my life as a better place without religion.

Quotes and Comments

As you can see from my blog, there are many, many things that turned me off to Christianity and religion in general. This blog is about the ignorant things that “men of god” have said that made me want to run fast and far from any organized religion. I will just include a few quotes and my comments about them.

"AIDS is the wrath of a just God against homosexuals. To oppose it would be like an Israelite jumping in the Red Sea to save one of Pharaoh's charioteers ... AIDS is not just God's punishment for homosexuals; it is God's punishment for the society that tolerates homosexuals." Jerry Falwell

Okay, Do I really need to comment on this? No, but I will. The day Jerry Falwell died I did a happy dance. How can you call yourself anything close to moral and say something so horrible about your fellow humans? Jerry, why did you care who someone loved and showed love for in the privacy of their bedroom? And one more thing… What kind of “just” god would create humans the way they are (some of us are gay, deal with it!) and then give them AIDS to punish them for being the way he created them? Have you thought about that Jerry? No? You can’t because you are dead? Oh damn!

"The idea that religion and politics don't mix was invented by the Devil to keep Christians from running their own country." Jerry Falwell

Ignorant ass! You are a perfect example of why religion and politics should not mix! Not everyone in the U.S. is a Christian and it is arrogant to assume that this is your country! How would you feel if a Muslim or Catholic said the same kind of thing? Scared? Controlled? Worried for the future of your country?




Jerry seems to like this a little too much. Could that be his problem?

"Rail as they will about 'discrimination,' women are simply not endowed by nature with the same measures of single-minded ambition and the will to succeed in the fiercely competitive world of Western capitalism."
--Pat Buchanan (11/22/83)

Oh Pat, you silly, silly freak. I would like to name a few things that you are not endowed with. Are women that much of a threat to you?

"Just like what Nazi Germany did to the Jews, so liberal America is now doing to the evangelical Christians. It's no different. It is the same thing. It is happening all over again. It is the Democratic Congress, the liberal-based media and the homosexuals who want to destroy the Christians. Wholesale abuse and discrimination and the worst bigotry directed toward any group in America today. More terrible than anything suffered by any minority in history." –Pat Robertson

Mr. Robertson, how the hell can you think you are a persecuted group similar to the Jews? And what could homosexuals possibly do to YOU and other Christians to destroy them? Do you have so little faith in your god that you think he will allow the homos to hurt ya? You are a sad excuse for a human. You calling yourself a minority while you rake in millions every year from your sheep followers would definitely NOT put you in the minority group you ass clown!

So, as you can see by my comments. I don’t deal well with ignorant people who hate others simply because they choose a different religion from theirs. Why would I want to follow a religion that is controlled and run by fools like this? There is so much hate and discontent in the Christian community right now that I am shocked that some people stay as long as they do. I feel free and happy to be out of all the hate and control. I only wish that the people I love would see it.

P.S. Before you comment, please know that I understand that ALL Christians are not like Jerry and Pat. This blog is my therapy and my way of explaining why I am not a follower of Christianity.