Love The Sinner, Hate The Sin

Many extreme Christians have phrases and comments that I consider beyond ridiculous. I often just ignore their sayings and move along. However, the phrase “Love the sinner, hate the sin,” is one that I refuse to allow without saying pointing out the ignorance. Here, we will explore why I think the saying is complete bullshit and people need to stop saying it!

1) There is no verse in the Bible that says, “Love the sinner, hate the sin.” Go ahead and look. I will wait. Okay, now that we have settled that, can we agree that you can’t say it is in the Bible anymore? It is not. You can twist a few verses around to try to make it fit for you, but Christians like to do a lot of that anyway, so that is not a shocker. Just stop saying it because you sound ignorant when you do.

2) This phrase is used against LGBT people to justify hatred. So, it’s ironic to think about the fact that some Christians preach about how God is love and try to act like they are such good and moral people, yet their hateful, abusive, and bully-like behavior toward LGBT people is pathetic. I have been taking a class for foster parenting for the past few weeks with my daughter, who is considering taking in a foster child. At least two families in the class have adamantly admitted that they do NOT want an LGBT child/teen in their household. One mother implied that having a gay boy around her sons will corrupt her sons. Really? With up to 20% of youth in foster care identifying as LGBT, I find this kind of attitude disgusting! But, when I think about it more deeply, I realize that LGBT kids would not want to be in their home either. Who wants to be preached at and told they are not okay being who they are. How about Christians worry more about their own hateful attitude toward LGBT people and less about this ridiculous saying. Telling people to love a person yet hate who they are is a sad way to act like a person who is supposed to show love. To love someone is to show unconditional love toward that person.

3) Who are you to decide what is a “sin” and what isn’t? It seems to me that many Christians choose to identify sins as something that they themselves feel negative feelings toward.  Some Christians see tattoos and piercings as a sin. They think you should not modify your body. They may also see alcohol, cigarettes, smoking pot or even dancing as a sin. Does that make those things wrong? No. The thing that Christians can’t get into their heads is that, as much as they are free to practice any religion they would like, they are not free to force those views on the rest of us. Including other religious groups, agnostics, atheists or anyone else.

4) It sounds so damn self-righteous! Maybe some people have heard this saying so much that they think it sounds normal. It does not sound normal at all. It sounds mean, holier-than-thou and just plain rude and hateful. As I stated before, feel free to believe the way you want, but don’t expect the rest of us to go along with you. When you say that you love a sinner, but hate their sin expect a lot of people to see you as an asshole and NOT a good, moral, decent human who cares about other humans.

5) I know I touched on this above, but it needs to be said again. Telling a person that WHO they are is “sinful” is horribly messed up and damaging. Especially to young kids and teenagers. With all of LGBT kids committing suicide in the United States, it is time that we try to make them feel loved, safe and protected. NOT THE OPPOSITE! I would think that Christians would be more focused on things that are offensive and immoral to most of us. Most Christians use this phrase as a passive-aggressive weapon against LGBT people. However, you rarely hear them say, “Love the murderer, hate that he murdered someone,” Or “Boy do we love that child rapist, but we hate that he raped a child.” Rarely does anyone who has a normal set of morals and ethics try to show a lot of love toward these kinds of people. Which proves my point that it is another cherry-picking technique that is used as a microaggression toward people of whom Christians disapprove.

Let's work on trying to show kindness and love to others, the way you claim that Christ has commanded you to do, and leave the rest of us who are just trying to live our lives alone. It would be great if you would consider stopping using this offensive phrase.

Control Issues

While watching the Hulu Original show, Handmaid's Tale, I started having some memories of having similar conversations with myself; The same kinds of conversations that Offred has with herself while under the control of the Commander and his wife. Even though she is in captivity, and almost every activity that she does is monitored and controlled, they can't have her brain, her thoughts, her memories or her opinions.

I remember sitting in church as a teenager and thinking these thoughts:
1) If there really is a god, why have they not shown me a single reason to believe in them?
2) I hate the pastor and he is a creepy crook.
3) Attending church is a waste of my time and I wish I was doing something else.
4) I hate these fake people.
5) If there was a god, why would he allow kids to be harmed and molested by pastors?
6) Why is this damn church more important to my parents than me having my own opinions?
7) Why does it matter what I wear? If I was born naked and this god created me, why is it so horrible to wear a bathing suit and swim around men/boys?

Those are just a few of the thoughts I was having. Plus more. If I would have voiced any one of these thoughts to my parents they would have freaked the hell out. I was not allowed to think these things.

It is sad how much I can relate to Offred and the other women in Handmaid's Tale. At least I got to grow up and form my own views, opinions, thoughts, desires, political views, etc.. Even though I feel that my relationship with my parents is irreparable (in most ways), I was able to come out of the closet, decide I don't believe in their god and form relationships with the kinds of people I was drawn to. I also refuse to waste my Sunday mornings in church.

Being raised to be a zombie with (They hoped) no brain of my own makes me realize how dangerous and damaging this kind of control is. How do we solve this? Question everything! Don't believe people who say things like "Everything happens for a reason," or "God works in mysterious ways." That is just bullshit. Question, read, research and come to your own conclusions.Don't let anyone control you. Ever! Pay attention to politics. The dystopian world of Handmaid's Tale is not as far-fetched as one might think!

Hate is Hate

 The following letter to the editor was printed in our local Folio Weekly August 14, 2012 edition.

Chick-fi l-A Supporter

To: Denise M. Reagan, Editor

First, let me congratulate you on becoming the new editor of Folio Weekly. I’m sure you’re finding it exciting and most challenging as well.

Anne Schindler’s spark will also be missed, I’m sure. I appreciate seeing my testy opinion letters appearing for reader reaction from time to time among a sea of differing views. As you stated, the president and chief operating officer of Chick-Fil l-A, Dan Cathy, offended the gay community by expressing

his biblical stance on marriage [Editor’s Note,

July 31]. However, as I see it, his words in that

Atlanta radio interview express exactly what

mainstream Christianity believes. God’s way

always leads to a happier and healthier lifestyle

with a better ultimate outcome.

I can’t believe that the highly respected

John Delaney, UNF president and former

Jacksonville mayor, would write a letter to

The Florida Times-Union “supporting the

gay rights ordinance based on the teachings

of Jesus.” What kind of Bible and strange

teachings of Jesus is Delaney referring to?

Certainly not found in my King James Version!

[The destruction of] Sodom and

Gomorrah was merely a fireworks display

compared to what we’re provoking the

Almighty to do. God has said, “I will tread

them in mine anger, and trample them in

my fury … for the day of vengeance is in my

heart, and the year of my redeemed is come”

(Isaiah 63:3&4). In the meantime, I’ll be

among the thousands enjoying Chick-Fil-A

nuggets. Hope to see you there sometime,

where God is always smiling.

William H. Shuttleworth

Jacksonville

When I finished reading that I was pissed. Then I was sad. Then I was pissed some more. Then I wanted to write back in response to the letter. But my new job has me so stressed out and tired that I did not find the energy to write back before the next printing of the paper completed. So I decided to write my response here.

Not- so- Dear William Shuttlebutt:

I am shocked and sad that you could actually think/believe that your “mainstream Christianity” is so mainstream that you could write something like this to a local paper and expect that everyone believes the same way that you do! Your letter is so full of contradictions and stupidity that I hardly know where to begin!

First of all: Although this may come as a shock to you, not everyone is a Christian. Not everyone believes the crazy irrational way that you do. There are many different religions and views in this country, in our world, and even in little old Jacksonville, Florida. Just because a few idiots at your church agree with your bigoted, narrow-minded views does not mean that everyone does!

Second of all: How do you believe (and try to force the rest of us to as well) that a god who is willing to “trample in his fury” [you imply anyone who is gay] is also a fair and just god and who is “always smiling” on people because they choose to eat greasy chicken from a chain restaurant whose owner uses his ignorance and stupidity to bring in business is anything close to fair or Christ-like?

Third: Although I do not share the religious or political views of John Delaney (most of the time) I can tell you that he is right in this case. You don’t have the right to twist and interpret [your] bible to make sure it lines up with your ignorance, hate and lack of love for others. In fact, if you were following the teachings of Christ, you would not support a man or his business who so obviously hates a group of people simply for being who they are. It is not “strange” to want equal rights for all people. It is strange to think you can speak for Jesus (who never said a word against LGBT people if you read your holy book) and it is strange that you feel so strongly about this that they only way you can make  a stand for your odd views is by continuing to eat greasy chicken and write to the paper about how right you feel you are. Do you not see how stupid, bigoted, angry, hateful, judgmental and hypocritical you sound? Not sure your Christ (if he existed at all) would approve of your attitude! You can take your "healthier and happier lifestyle" and shove it!

Sincerely,

Lori ( a bisexual atheist who believes in equal rights for all people, whether you like them or not.)

 Rachel Maddow said it best! Equal rights should be automatically granted to all people. Our right to live freely and share the same privileges of heterosexual couples should not be up for vote by bigoted, homophobic haters who hide behind their holy book and have no idea how ignorant they are to people who use their brains. 

It is sad and lonely living in a place that would vote down a SIMPLE bill allowing LGBT people to avoid discrimination.

You have questions? I have answers!

I recently received this series of questions on my Facebook wall and thought it would be a good idea to share the answers here. Thanks for asking them, Shane, and I hope I have answered them clearly enough.

Hello, Lori,

So far from what I can discover on your blog, Lori, is that you haven't been an atheist for an extended period of time. I like to ask new atheists a few questions to see how much in common I have with them. Perhaps you can ask these questions of your readers.

1. When you outgrew your need for faith did it emotionally hurt you? Did you mourn the passing of your faith? The short answer is yes. I did feel hurt emotionally. I did mourn the loss of my faith. Losing my faith hurt for many reasons. One of the most painful things was losing the support and close relationship I had with my family. I am not sure I will ever regain that. Even recently at a family gathering, I felt like an alien or, more appropriately, the black sheep, when everyone had to pray over the meal and many conversations revolved around church. I just don’t have much in common anymore with my flesh and blood family. I love them all very much, but I feel that being an atheist has put a huge wall up and I am not sure it will ever come down. Outside of my family issues, I also feel that when I started reading and seeing that I just did not believe in a deity any more, I went through what I feel was mourning. I often felt angry (if you read my blog you can see evidence of that), depressed, went through some denial, and in general felt a huge upheaval happening inside me emotionally. Change is sometimes painful. My entire world view began falling apart. I had to rethink things like the afterlife, morality and so many other things in which I believed. I firmly believe the change and emotional turmoil I experienced (still experience at times) was normal and I would not ever go back to blindly following a faith, god or religion without concrete evidence. I think it is important to note that I feel like a more fulfilled and complete person now, without faith in a god, than I ever did when I was religious, Religion and faith, for me, caused doubt, distrust, lack of questioning authority, feelings of confusion, and I was in a state of constant unhappiness and darkness. I felt that my core belief of treating other humans with love was NOT a part of Christianity. I feel Atheism more closely aligns with my core values. (See question number 5 for more elaboration on this)

2. What were the key factors for you to conclude that neither god nor gods exist? This is a tough question for me and is really the main reason I wrote this blog. There were several factors and the transition was gradual as I began reading and studying different religions. When I attended classes to obtain my degree, I learned about a variety of different religious views and cultures. Learning these things made me begin to question things like: Who has the “real” God” and who are we to say another religion is wrong and ours is right? I also began to see that there were hundreds of thousands of different branches of different types of religion and most of what I experienced and saw was people locking themselves into a certain doctrine- based on the way THEY interpreted their holy book- and then they would surround themselves only with people who felt exactly the same way and criticize and belittle anyone who didn’t. That seemed very “un-Christ-like” to me and I began thinking a lot about things like…who really is right? The conclusion I came up with is that religion is a crutch that people use to exclude others. Many religious people also twist the Bible around to cater to their own fears. The way some Christians (and other faiths) treat people treat LGBT people is a prime example of this. I do know that many people use religion as a way to feel comfort about death and to feel closer to loved ones who have died. They find it easier to believe the people that they love are waiting for them in heaven. I understand that, to a point, but I also I think there is a time when people need to grow up and face the reality that when we die, we are gone. It is natural and the way it is supposed to be.

Another factor that turned me away from religion and god was the fact that rich people had a god who answered their prayers. Poor people didn’t. Kind of like Santa Clause. Santa likes the rich kids. But the poor kids? Screw them! Same idea here. Rich people have everything they need, simply because they are fortunate enough to have the money to buy it. But they say things like “Thank god! We got a new car this week,” But that same god neglected to make sure that the homeless family in downtown Jacksonville got food. When you ask religious people about this they say ignorant things like “god works in mysterious ways.” Well, your god is an ass hole then! This kind of thinking led me to believe that there is NOT any evidence of an all-knowing, all-powerful GOOD deity, because if there was, he/she would be kind and not allow bad things to happen to innocent children.

3. Now that you're an entity that values reason over faith how has your life improved? How has your person-hood evolved? I feel that my life has improved because I no longer worry about things like heaven, hell, or an afterlife. I do not worry about which religion is the right one to follow. I follow none of them. I feel free and happy to be able to wake up each day- glad that I am still an inhabitant of the earth and I can make a difference every day in THIS life. I have taught my kids to question everything and to read and study on their own and to value evidence and logic. I do not blindly believe everything I am told. If I question something, I research to find answers. I read a variety of books, blogs and articles and feel that I am constantly evolving and learning more about the world- based on science and reason- not on what I was told as a child or on what an outdated book tells me to do/be.

4. For the sake of argument let’s say we both decided that the individual written about in the Bible named Jesus existed. If you could converse with this person now what would you ask him? Hey Jesus, what’s up? :) Can you believe this crap? These crazy nuts in this day and age are using your name and influence you had to have an excuse to be ass holes! How do you feel about that? What would you REALLY do? Haha!

5. In your own words please tell me what does being an "atheist" mean to you? I know the word atheist has negative connotations to many people. But to me, being an atheist means that I am good and kind for the sake of being good and kind. I do not expect a reward in the afterlife. I believe I am a moral and ethical person who listens to my own instincts. If something feels wrong to me, I don’t do it. So far, this is working for me. I don’t have to follow a book to be a decent person. I just have to decide each day that I am going to try to make a difference, try to be kind and understanding to others, try to accept people and love them in spite of their flaws, try to give to people less-fortunate, try to continue to be a positive influence in the lives of my children, try to take care of the body I have, try to live this life to the fullest. I have always strived to live with what I call “the big picture” in mind. When I am lying in bed dying, whenever the end of my life is close, will I be able to look back and be proud of who I was and how I treated people? At this point, fancy diplomas, big houses, expensive cars, money in the bank, how far up the corporate ladder I climbed and many other things that seem so important in life just will not seem as important to me as leaving behind a legacy of goodness, kindness and love and knowing that I passed that on to my children. Am I perfect at it? HAHA NO! Some days I struggle. Some days I want to give up. But, I can honestly say that living life with the big picture in mind is a much healthier way to live than trying to score points with an imaginary deity in the sky.

I can think of more questions to ask but I think that is a lot to think about. I really am interested in reading your answers. I've been an atheist for 12 years now and I've never once regretted my decision nor have questioned my decision to disavow faith. You and I both share common experiences on our treks to becoming atheists.

Shane

Thanks Shane! I am glad you encouraged me to write in my blog. I always feel better when I write. :)

Random Thoughts on "Attack of the Theocrats!"

Sometimes I really want to write in my blog, but I don’t have one cohesive, coherent thought. So, today I decided, so what? I am just going to write what is on my mind right now.

I just finished the book “Attack of the Theocrats: How the Religious Right Harms us all.”
Here are some awesome quotes from the book:

“If there is no God, no afterlife—indeed, if your life on this one small planet is infinitesimally short—then it makes you humble and it might inspire you to plan more carefully.” Sean Faircloth

I would also add that not worrying about an afterlife makes me feel free to enjoy this life and to take advantage of the time that I know I have here to be a good, kind, loving, decent person and to spend every day knowing that I will die. I do not try to be a good person because I fear being burned in hell or because I want a mansion in heaven. I want to be and do good simply because it is the right way to treat my fellow humans.

Here is another quote from the book along these lines from Steve Jobs:

“Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important thing I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life, because almost everything—all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure—these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.”

Even though I have no idea what it feels like to know I will die soon, I have always tried to make decisions based on the “big picture” and tried to make sure to choose my battles carefully and see things from a “death-bed perspective.” When my oldest daughter was born, I remember having a conversation with my parents on the phone about how to raise her. They thought I should follow the James Dobson/Focus on the Family model and see my child as sinful from the beginning and make sure she was properly disciplined. I have always tried to live my life with the philosophy that life is short and I honestly try to use my own judgment and intuition as a mom, rather than listen to some dumb ass preacher who thinks that beating your kids makes them good. I have not been a perfect mom, but I can say that using this philosophy has worked for me and my kids. My kids have all turned out to be wonderful, kind, and productive members of society who have a good heart and who try to be good, moral and loving people. I raised them to think for themselves and I raised them to question things that did not make sense. I never wanted to teach them that just because someone claimed to be in authority over them, they had to “obey” them. I continue to believe that this has helped them to be confident and awesome adults who have their own mind and their own views.

“You will hear Rush Limbaugh complain about “special rights.” Fundamentalists tell us to fear the specter of special rights for gay citizens, though of course, gay Americans aren’t after special rights—merely equal rights.” I won’t go on and on about this, but I am so tired of people trying to say that gay people are trying to get special rights. I am sorry that Rush is secretly gay and that is why he hates gay people, but it is not special rights to want the same thing everyone else has!!! Maybe one day Rush will come out of the closet and stop his ridiculous nonsense, but until then, I guess he has a right to say what he wants to say. I have a right to say he is an idiot!

Moving on to religion and how it is bad for women:

“According to a 2004 study, the most irreligious nations were the most likely to treat women and girls equally. The nations with the most sexist policies tend to be the most religious.” Sean Faircloth

This one seems obvious to me, but this book backs statements up like this with facts and statistics. Most religions, when examined closely, try to keep women down. I mean, read the Bible! It is full of verses that basically tell us we are second-class citizens(or worse!). Preventing women from health care and giving them full disclosure to options available to them is the only way to prevent women from being thrown back to stone ages. Women like Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Susan B. Anthony, and so many others worked hard to help women get the freedom to vote, access to birth control and many are still fighting for women’s rights today. Why would we want to let one religion’s beliefs from an ancient book tell us how we can live in this day and age? We don’t!! So we need to say NO to politicians who want to take away women’s rights and the right to choose what is best. We need to TRUST that most women are smart and capable of making their own decisions and we don’t need anyone telling us what to do with OUR OWN BODIES!

The most important message of this book is in the second half of the book where Mr. Faircloth talks about how we can make a change in our government and how secular governments needs to become the norm, rather than having our country run by extreme fundamentalists who: Hate women, hate gays, hate equality, and who think that blending religion and government is a great idea.

He suggests Ten Guiding Principles of a Secular America. “Our rejuvenated secular America will be guided by these moral imperatives:”

1) Our military shall serve and include all Americans, religious and nonreligious, with no hint of bias, and with no hint of fundamentalist extremism coloring our military decisions at home or abroad.

2) Any federal- or state-funded program, whether offering services domestic or foreign, that relates to reproductive health and intimate sexual decisions shall be based on science and public health, not on religious bias or the denigration of women or sexual minorities.

3) Health-care professionals shall fulfill their ethical and professional oath to address the needs of their patients, and they must do so with no hint of religious bias and in respectful service to the needs of the patients they are sworn to serve—or they must find another job.

4) There shall be no bias based on religion or lack thereof in any land-use planning or environmental laws, and discrimination based on religion or lack thereof shall be prohibited in any employment setting.

5) While marriage can be defined by a religion as that religion so chooses for the purposes of its internal ceremonies, our government shall never impose a religious bias on the definition of marriage.

6) When facing the end of life, all Americans shall be guaranteed control over their own bodies, without being thwarted by religious bias.

7) America’s youth shall never be subjected to religious bias in education. If there is one penny of government funds involved, there must not be one iota of religious bias or propaganda.

8) The composition of our Congress and legislatures shall include Secular Americans, and there must be no political bias against secular candidates

9) There shall be one consistent standard pertaining to the health and welfare of children, no matter the religion of a child’s parents, school, or child-care center. Religious extremists can do whatever they want to their own bodies, but children shall be treated as human beings, not as pawns to be sacrificed in the name of religion.

10) Medical, technical, and scientific innovation shall be dedicated to the health and advancement of our fellow citizens and must never be impeded by religious bias.

When you really think about it, doesn’t this make sense? There are so many religions and so many sects of those religions and so many people from so many different backgrounds, why would we think that choosing ONE religion and trying to blend it with our government is a good idea?

Feel free to leave your respectful comments. Any hateful comments or anything that is just plain RUDE will be deleted. If you feel the need to rant and preach, feel free, but you are better off going to a Christian blog where people will agree with your silliness. I don’t need you to quote the Bible for me- I have read enough of it in my lifetime. Thanks!

Hugs and love to all of you!

Get the Kindle version of Attack of the Theocrats here!

Faircloth, Sean (2011-09-13). Attack of the Theocrats!: How the Religious Right Harms Us All—and What We Can Do About It (Kindle Locations 2726-2727). BookMasters. Kindle Edition.

Justified Anger

I just finished the book “WHY ARE YOU ATHEISTS SO ANGRY? 99 Things That Piss off the Godless.”By Greta Christina. I was inspired to keep writing in my blog and to keep talking about my lack of belief and let others know the reasons I am ANGRY too! This book made me feel justified in my anger. As most readers of my blog know, I have dealt with a lot of anger in the process of writing this blog and coming to terms with the fact that I no longer believe in a god. Of any kind.

As I read Greta Christina’s book I realized that I have not been vocal enough yet about my feelings toward religion and the harm it does to people. So, even though I may be repeating things that other atheists already say so well, like Greta Christina, I still need to say them too! So I will continue to blog!

Here are the thoughts I have about the book:

1) I don’t need to feel guilty anymore that I have a lot of anger toward churches, religion and the way I was raised. I can take this anger and channel it toward something useful. I can let others know how harmful religion can be. Great Christina points out that this anger is justified- and I agree- and says that we should use this anger to, in her words, “become a political force to be reckoned with.”

2) My anger will help me to be more active in other social movements as well. Like LGBT, feminism, race issues, women’s reproductive rights, etc…

3) I realized reading this book that I do NOT want to be one of the kinds of Atheists who are just like the fundamentalists and take a drastic approach and not allow people the right to free speech and a voice for their beliefs. I am going to try to be a more respectful person when I debate people. I find that Greta Christina is very convincing, in a very respectful way.

4) I am not an intolerant person when I voice my views against religion! I have been told this so much that I was starting to believe it! If someone says, “There is a magic sky daddy and he is my heavenly father and my family and you are hurting me for not believing in him” (well, maybe not those words, exactly, but someone said this to me on Facebook recently) I can say back to them, “Prove it! If you have an extraordinary claim, YOU have the burden of proof, not me!” People, please stop asking ME to prove that there is no god. If you claim there is one, you have the burden of proof. Great Christina says so! Also, when people tell me things like, “You have no absolute basis for morality without God, The Bible or religion, I can tell them that I AM a moral and ethical person and I am an atheist! I will also continue to do awesome things and show people that atheists ROCK!! Anyone who knows me knows I am a very compassionate, kind and helpful person who does far more good in the world than some conservative Christians who sit on their asses and judge me. I can work circles around them all! (Ha!)

5) I think it is really awesome that Great Christina mentioned that many atheists are not only angry for ourselves but that we are angry at what religion does to other people. We are angry when we see the harm that religion and religious leaders have done to their followers. She says, “Atheists are angry because we have a sense of justice. Atheists are angry because we see millions of people being terribly harmed by religion, and our hearts go out to them, and we feel motivated to bloody well do something about it.
Atheists aren’t angry because there is something wrong with us.
Atheists are angry because there’s something right with us.”

Exactly! Thanks for always saying it so very well Greta Christina!


Here is my own personal list of top 10 reasons I am ANGRY.

1) I am angry that women are being taught by their church leaders every day that they are “less than” and are beneath men simply because they have a vagina. Grrr

2) I am angry when I think about children in my life that I love and adore being told they will go to hell and burn in the lake of fire forever if they don’t believe in the Christian God.

3) I am angry that the principal at Clay Hill Elementary School (Right down the street from our house) thinks it is okay to allow a local pastor to come on public school property and ask kids and parents to meet him at the flagpole for prayers. This is a clear violation of the separation of church and state. If these people were Buddhist and wanted to lead prayers at the flag pole these very same people would pitch a HUGE FIT. Details of story here
4) I get angry when people tell me there is no way I can be a moral and ethical person. Some of these people KNOW me and know that I AM a moral and ethical person!!

5) I get angry when I find out that my ex-girlfriend’s mom said that she would never allow an atheist into her home- like we are some kind of demon or something.

6) I am angry that I calmly read Christian Bible verses and religious crap all day on Facebook and either ignore it or hide it because I love the people who post it. But when I want to post something about my atheism or being bisexual, I get told I should not put that on Facebook, or that I should focus on other things, or that I should consider giving their “god” a chance. Blah blah blah They have a right to say it. I have a right to get angry and say what I want back on MY FACEBOOK PAGE DAMN IT!

7) I am angry that I feel cut off from my parents and some siblings because I don’t believe in their god/religion. I miss feeling close to my mom and dad.

8) I get angry when I hear people use the Bible to hand pick verses that justify their hatred of LGBT people. I would rather hear someone say they hate gay people than to hear them say, I love the sinner and hate the sin kind of bull shit that comes out of the mouths of so-called “Christ-followers.” (p.s. either way, I get angry lol)

9) I am angry that for the longest time, I have felt guilty about sex, and have had a difficult time coming to terms with my sexuality simply because I was raised to be ashamed of my body, to hide my body and to feel like I need to cover my body.

10) I get angry when I realize that I live in the Bible Belt and there are not many people who live around me that feel this way. Or are there? Come out!!!

If you have not read Greta Christina's  book, buy it today! It is so well worth the read and I am going to keep it on my Kindle on my iPhone so that when I get into a religious debate, I can whip out that book and say, “Well, Greta Christina says….” SO THERE!!

Here is a link to a video introduction of the book.

Here is a link to Amazon where you can buy the Ebook




By the way, I am aware I  have other "angry" lists and a blog about my anger. I wanted to write another one. Just call this blog my angry rant update.

God is not good, or existent (that I can see) but life is....

Sometimes when I don't write in my blog for so long, it is because I am having a difficult time. But lately, I really am doing well.

I have been working on healing myself. I am no longer in a relationship of any kind. I feel fulfilled and happy to be on my own for the first time in my life. My breakup with my last girlfriend was tough, but I learned a lot about myself. Rather than ask myself (when I make mistakes) what was I thinking? I am learning to ask myself, What was I learning? I can definitely say I have been learning a lot.

I have learned to ignore people who don't like or understand the fact that I am bisexual. Nothing is going to change that. I really don't think I would change myself, even if I could. I like being this way. It is difficult when my parents don't acknowledge the fact that I am, or when they think I am choosing to be this way, or when other people judge me and think I am just unable to make up my mind. But honestly, I like myself! I still feel pain every day when I think about my parents and the way they disapprove of me. No matter how old I get, I still want my parents to love me and to be proud of me. I am pretty sure they love me, but I wonder if they will ever accept me as I am and be proud of the person that I am.

Yes, I am still an atheist. I always will be. Until I see some real evidence that there is a god, which every day convinces me more and more that there isn't, then I will stick with logic and just say we have this one life, so I am going to do everything I can to make it great. I feel less angry about the way I was raised. I can see my parents were just doing the best they could. I can see they turned to religion as a way to cope with life. I understand that. I am trying to learn to judge them less and to understand things from their perspective. They are really good grandparents to my kids and I appreciate that they spend time with Noah almost every week and that they drive him to Boyscouts. He enjoys spending time with them too.

Noah and me on his birthday: November 1st

I have also learned that I am stronger than I thought possible. 75 days ago, I started working out and counting my calories. In the beginning, my reasons for this were strictly to get into my favorite jeans that had become tight. Now I realize I have gained a whole lot more out of this experience. I have gained confidence! I never thought I would be motivated enough to stick with a program like this. But I just keep telling myself I can do it!I realize I can do so much more than I give myself credit for- which has helped me in every area of my life. So far I have lost 13 pounds. I have about 7 more pounds to my goal weight. My jeans that I wanted to fit me are now baggy. :) I bought some news ones!

Things I want to continue to work on:
1) Being more accepting of people who have different beliefs than I do.
2) Trying to see things from the perspective of others.
3) Forgiving people who have hurt me.
4) Letting things go. Sometimes I am just too sensitive and I get my feelings hurt very easily.
5) Being the best and most moral person that I can be so that I can show others that imaginary beings are not what makes us good people. WE are what makes us good people. WE have it all inside of us.

Who would have known there were abs under there?

I will be writing again soon. I just wanted to give a quick update.

Thanks to those who read my blog! I appreciate it!

A special and BIG thanks to Vyckie Garrison for all the mentions on Twitter. Check out her awesome blog here:
http://nolongerquivering.com/

Christians and Sex- One More Reason to Run!

*This post is about sex and some sexual practices. If you are easily offended, consider yourself warned. When I speak of sex here, I am talking about mutual sex between consenting individuals who are old enough and mature enough for sex!
I have never understood the obsession that Christians had/have with sex (well, really the fear of it). I mean, if you use their reasoning, (which I don’t, but let’s try it for a minute) God made humans in his image. God is perfect and does not make mistakes. So, the way we are is the way “god” made us, right? Okay. So, god created us needing sex. All humans crave sex when they hit puberty (at least most) and I think it is pretty natural for humans to want to fulfill their cravings for sex as much as they need to eat, sleep, and drink water. Right? So why do Christians have so many hang-ups about sex? It seems that sex, homosexuality, premarital sex etc…are on their list of “serious sins.”

When I was a teenager I was not really allowed to talk to a person of the opposite sex, and I especially could not be alone with them. I guess my parents knew that if I was alone with a boy/man that I would try things like kissing and stuff. But really, what harm was there in me kissing my boyfriend when I was age 17? Why was it seen as so evil? I felt that if my parents found out I was kissing (not to mention other things) I would be kept in the house until I was 35. So, it had to be kept very secret.

Human touch, kissing, hugging and sex are very pleasurable and we NEED them! Demonizing our sexual desires and making teens (and adults) feel bad for craving sex will only set them up for sexual dysfunction later! We should be concentrating our efforts on teaching teens to respect their bodies, use protection, be respectful of others, and being safe. Isn’t that more important?

Along these lines is the stupidity with many Christians who say that being gay is wrong and a choice. Let’s use the “Christian” logic again. God made us in his image. God is perfect. God made us with a sex drive. We are sometimes sexually attracted to the opposite sex, the same sex, or both. Yay god! Where is the problem?

The problem sets in when religious leaders preach and push their own sexual repression and dysfunction from the pulpit and all the sheep followers begin to think of sexuality as an evil that needs to be avoided. However, somewhere inside them, they feel ashamed because they love sex. They lust after people and they get excited when they see the human body. They take this shame and guilt and push this belief onto their kids and people in their church. I guess if they can’t feel good about their sex drive, no one should. As I have mentioned before, I think a big problem with Christian preachers (and others) is that they repress their own desires- often for people of the same sex- *shock- and this turns into a hatred of the LGBT community. Why? Because they hate THEMSELVES!

What does this do? It makes people feel ashamed when they feel good. It makes people feel like freaks when they are attracted to the same sex! It causes teenagers to try to have sex before they are ready, keeps them from talking to their parents, and may keep them in the dark about the protections that are available to them. Why would loving parents do this to their children? All in the name of god.

Some religions even attempt to tell married couples what they can and can't do within their marriage. Things such as masturbation, sex toys, other partners, period sex, and watching porn, use of contraception,  where they ejaculate (Catholics believe a man should "cum" inside of a woman only!) and other crazy rules are seen as a sin and are not allowed for married couples. I find it beyond ridiculous to think that people will continue to follow a religion that dictates what they do in their own bedroom!

No wonder I ran from Christianity! Who wants to stick around for that kind of abuse when you find yourself attracted to someone of the same sex? I prefer to be around people who love and accept me the way I am!

Let’s teach our teens that sex is natural and good and fun! Let’s teach them to listen to their instincts and respect their body and others’ bodies too! Let’s teach our kids that sex (when they are old enough and mentally ready) is part of life and love and goes with being human!

Question for all you LGBT haters out there? At what point in your life did you choose to be heterosexual? Think hard now! Watch this video!

Peace and great sex to all of you!

Where is the Love?

I just read a very inspiring blog by “The Redheaded Skeptic.” What amazed me about her blog is that I could have written it; almost word for word! She worded it so perfectly, that I am almost tempted to say- “What she said” for my whole blog entry this time, but decided I should write my own instead. Just know that I was so inspired by her words that I got off my lazy butt and decided to get back to blogging.

See, the reason I blog is not to impress other people, get tons of followers, or become famous. (haha) The reason I write my blog is to sort through my thoughts, feelings, views, and ideas. Writing my blog has been very therapeutic for me. It has also turned most of my family against me: which is what this blog entry will be about (Again, thanks for the inspiration Redheaded Skeptic!)

Since I have not heard one single word from my family this entire summer, (Except tidbits of things my ex-boyfriend has told me and a rude, uncaring email) I can assume that they are writing me off as a daughter. I am not going to lie and say I don’t care or that I am so over trying to mend things with them. I do care. A lot! That is really the problem. A good friend of mine once told me that after all this anger; not caring about what his family thought is what worked for him. I am hoping to reach that level soon, but for now, not feeling loved, accepted or conditionally cherished for who I am is the most painful thing I have ever experienced.

Although my parents like to sit there and judge me, gossip about me to my sisters, criticize me for my views and (I am quite sure of it) pray for/gossip about me in church, they have not once considered what I might need while going through this very difficult summer-The worst of my life.

Here is the short list:

• Being unemployed

• My boyfriend moving out to “work on himself.”

• The death of a close friend of our family and best friend to my boyfriend of 9 years in a terrible motorcycle accident (The one boyfriend moved in with).

• Taking boyfriend back after death of friend because he had nowhere to go.

• A break up with my boyfriend/best friend of 9 years.

• Being emotionally and verbally abused by my boyfriend of 9 years.

• Leaving my home (of 19 years) to get away from my emotionally abusive and cruel boyfriend.

• Living the entire summer at the home of a close friend and her mom with my 19 yr old and my 12 year old (I did not really even know her mom that well, but she was kind enough to take us in).

• Having my ex husband (12 year old’s dad) accuse me of not having my son in a safe place and threatening to take custody back of my son. I would NEVER have my kids in an unsafe place and he should know this!!

• Having my boyfriend/best friend of 9 years turn my family against me by telling them personal stuff about me that my parents will never forgive. He also hurt my daughter with his cold and hateful words. This is not forgivable.

• Not hearing from my family by phone (Except my brother) at all to see how I was doing.

• Having my dad write me an email telling me that I am better off with boyfriend and not once trying to understand why I left or see things from my perspective. (Implying that I am too stupid and incompetent to survive and raise my son on my own, even though I have a B.A. degree.)

• Being threatened on more than one occasion by my (ex) boyfriend that he was going to take the house away from me. (I have owned the house for 19 years- he has lived in it for 9 and helped me refinance it 3-4 years ago. I had both of my children in this house and it has been my children's home all of their lives)

• Having a family member (not quite sure who) tell my parents about this blog. I never intended for them to read it. Even though it is public, I never gave my parents the web address or any access to my blog because I knew how conditional their love was.

• Having to call the cops on ex because he refused to believe the relationship was over and dealing with so much stalking/harassment that I had to block his phone and email so I could have some peace.

• Moving back into the house with my friend and having ex say that if things were not working out, that he would leave. I needed to get my son back into school and had no where to live except our house (So far he has not moved out and we are living in one room, my son in one, and ex in the other. It is, as one friend put, awkward!) I found out later that my parents said to someone "If she is so abused by him, why did she move back?" Really? That is just so supportive coming from the people who brought me into this world. If you tried for one MINUTE to see thing from a perspective other than your stupid religion, you may understand why I had to move back. Also, have I ever- in my almost 46 years-been known to lie, exaggerate, be a drama queen or stretch the truth to make things look worse than they really are? NO? Then why would I start that now??????? Think about it!

• Being told by my ex that he hates me and wishes I was dead.

• Getting pictures sent to my email of my mom, dad, sisters, their husbands and all of their children at a house in the mountains where they all vacationed together in August. Not only was I not invited or even told about this trip, but neither was my son. That hurts. I honestly don’t think I can forgive this. Ever. I had no idea that the very people who are my flesh and blood could hurt me as terribly as they have this summer. If I voiced these hurtful thoughts to my family they would turn everything around on me and say that I had hurt them. That is the most sad of all. :(

• Finally, my 19 year old daughter moved out and into her own apartment in Orlando to attend college at UCF. This is a good thing, but she was one of my best buddies and I miss her terribly (Neither one of my parents have called her to see how she is doing, sent her a card, asked her if she needs anything etc…)

I swear that if I ever treated my children the way I have been treated by my parents I hope they disown me and move on with their lives. How Christian are my parents to totally ignore their own flesh and blood/oldest daughter? Don’t they remember that I am their baby? Can they not see past their own wall of religion and notice that I am in pain? Why must I believe in their god and see the world as they do to get their love and acceptance? Do they remember that I am, and always have been a good, kind, loving, supportive, intelligent, intuitive, caring, passionate, mom, sister, partner and friend? Do they see me as so different now that they know the truth about me that has always been inside of me long before they ever found out?

I even broke down and apologized to my parents for hurting them with my words in this blog. I offered them a truce and told them that we should forgive and accept and move on. I gave them a chance to see their grandson after he got back from camp and before he went back to school. They did not even respond to my letter. They have not contacted my son or daughter to see how they are doing. They choose to stay inside their anger, spitefulness, fear, and close-minded religion. That is their choice. I have come to the conclusion that many people cling to the church because they are so dysfunctional that they have no idea how to live without the rules and advice of their church/pastor. I find this a sad waste of a life and I am truly sorry to have lost my family the way that I have. But my emotional health as an adult is telling me that I need to stay away from my family until I can feel accepted by them.

Religion has never been good for me, the more I see from Christians, the more I know that seeking the truth and finding that god is a fairy tale has set me free. I feel freer than I ever did inside any church or growing up in a "CHRISTIAN" family. I only wish I had family to accept me as I am.

As the Redheaded Skeptic said in her blog "Fuck you:"

"Chew on that before you judge me. And after all the judgment and rudeness and emotional abandonment [my italics,underline and bold] I have received over the last several years from my parents and their little circle of friends, if you chew on it and decide that I am still a horrible daughter, then all I can say is fuck you."


Picture: My family last summer- during better times- long before they read my blog and decided to abandon me for being a bisexual atheist.

Where Do I Get My Morality?

I recently had a Facebook conversation with someone that made me remember why most Christians annoy me and turned me off from Christianity. The conversation started as my son-in-law wrote a note on his page that I was determined not to comment on. I strongly believe that people have a right to state their views without having people become rude with them on Facebook.

Although I did not agree with most of what he wrote, I let it go. I love my family and usually find it is smarter to keep my views to myself when it comes to them. Then my other daughter made a comment to one of my son-in-law’s arrogant “Christian” friends and then I felt the need to jump in and defend her. Call me a mama bear. Whatever.

There were many things that annoyed me about what this arrogant dude said: “Evolution is a poor theory,” “I think it is perfectly rational that Noah got two of every kind of animal on the ark” and “Most wars were not fought over religion.” But this is what really pissed me off the most: (said directly to me)

“I need God as my “crutch.” But not as my crutch only but my only foundation, my presupposition for viewing the world. All other worldviews pale in comparison to the inclusiveness, The logical solidity and moral purity of following Christ..."

Then he said “The Bible says, ‘God looks upon the heart.’ He is not interested in outward expressions of morality and goodness.[Note from me: this must explain why so many “Christians’ are some of the most rude, unkind, unforgiving people I know, they figure it just does not matter to god] As I saw on a T-shirt once: God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.” [God must not want him then!]

Then, get this. He said, “Let me ask, where does your (or ANY morality) come from?” [Is he REALLY implying that I have no morals SIMPLY because I do not believe in his god?]

I have to say that since my daughter was just recently married and I love her and I love my son-in-law I refrained from telling their friend off in a not-very-nice way. In his thinking; as long as people are pious and arrogant like this dude, “god” is just fine if we never feed the homeless, give to the poor, help our friends when they need us, raise our kids to be good and kind and moral people, etc…? Their god just does not buy that?

Did he really ask me where my morality comes from? Did he really call himself logical and morally pure? I HATE it when people say things like “God is not interested in outward expressions of morality and goodness.” Really? Did he tell you that personally since you are such a good and spiritual person? I also hate when people say things like “God hates fags” and other dumb expressions like that.

Frankly I don’t really care what god wants or thinks. I have never seen any evidence of a god, therefore when people say things to me like:

You are going to hell
Hate the sin, love the sinner
I will ask god for guidance
I will pray for you
God loves you
God hates you
God wants to you __________
God does not want you to _____________

Or any other such comment, does not affect, distrub or encourage me. It does annoy me though because even if there were a god, I think it would be incredibly arrogant of a person to assume he or she knows what god wants and to believe that god personally talks to them (ie… see how special I am?).

So, to answer this dude's question, I get my morals and my ethics from my own conscience. If something seems or feels wrong to me- like stealing from a store, I don’t do it. If I feel badly when I do something, I stop doing that thing that makes me feel badly.

I was taught as a small child the difference between right and wrong, good and bad, and moral and immoral. If you are going to use the bible as your moral compass, do you really think you would kill your child (like Abraham was ordered to do) if god told you to? HELL NO! YOU WOULD NOT! You would realize that “god” was off his rocker and you would not kill your own child. Why? Because you love your child and you know it would be morally wrong to do it, no matter what.

I think all people should aim to be good, kind, loving, moral, ethical, understanding, tolerant, generous, affectionate, warm, devoted, honest, decent, honorable, open-minded, charitable and giving no matter what their religion may be, and no matter if “god” sees it, or cares. Living one’s life in fear of what will happen in the afterlife is a waste of time! Why don’t we aim to live this life to the fullest and while we are at it, try to make the lives of others good too?

Watch this great video by the “Thinking Atheist” on YouTube about morals and god.

This video, by Christopher Hitchens explains in a perfectly logical way why the biblical ten commandments are a waste of paper (or tablet) haha!

Okay, I am adding this too, don't want to leave out my favorite YouTube dude nonStampcollector. This video shows the irony of some chrisitans asking atheists where they get their morals.
As always, respectful non-hateful comments are welcome. It is not a good idea to preach to me. Go to a relgious website for a preaching platform.

Peace!! :)

Coming Out in Many Ways

As you can see from reading my blog, I have many different reasons for losing my faith in god and Christianity. There is not one event that caused me to lose faith overnight.

I actually can’t even give you an exact time in my life that I could have labeled myself an atheist. For a long time, I knew I was over god, but I just never thought to give it a label.

I know for sure that one of the main contributing factors for my turning my back on the faith I grew up with was the treatment of homosexuals.


 Christians contradict the teachings of their Christ every time they mock, criticize, degrade, forsake, hate, judge, preach against, protest against, ignore, disown or neglect anyone who is gay, lesbian, bisexual, transsexual or transgender.

When I was growing up, the only thing I knew about homosexuals was that they were sinners who were bound for hell. (The way the preachers went on and on about those “reprobates” I thought they were going to hell a lot faster than I was- lol)

For some reason, fundamental Baptist preachers love to harp on this subject. I honestly think, after watching preachers like Jerry Falwell  (Click here to hear Falwell's hate), Pat Robertson, Ted Haggard- and most of the preachers I had to hear every agonizing Sunday- that many of them must have this phobia because they secretly like men and are scared to death to be found out. So, they preach against homosexuality to insure that everyone knows their stance. (Ted Haggard openly admitted this in an interview after being caught with a male prostitute) (Ted Haggard's apology)

The problem for me was this: I was taught that everyone deserved to be loved. My parents were never racist, hateful or mean to anyone. My mom always taught me to love everyone. I experienced a lot of racism toward me when I was a young child because I was one of the only light-haired freckle faced kids in school in Hawaii. (Most kids in my class were very dark-skinned with dark eyes.) I knew how that felt, and I sure did not think it was right to treat people differently because of their skin color.

 So, how was being homosexual any different from being born with dark skin, light skin, freckles, curly hair, or anything else with which we are born??

During the time I still believed there was a god, I wondered why god would make so many people homosexual and then doom them to hell, just because they loved someone with the same body part that they had. What kind of “loving” god would do that? How could he expect humans to be more loving, if he (Mr. Perfect) was that evil?

I could never accept that there was anything wrong with being gay. I had arguments with my parents when I was a teen and in my 20s, but I gave up when I realized it was like talking to a brick wall. They are never going to accept that some people are homosexual because their church/pastor tells them it is wrong. So that is what they believe.

My parents think that most people either chose to be gay, or that they must have been abused while they were young children and that made them gay. Those were their only arguments.

This is what I have to say about choosing to be gay: SO WHAT?? Even if people choose to be gay, which most do not, why does this matter to you? Whether they were born that way, or chose to be that way. Why does it matter to you what someone else does with their body, their love and their heart? Short video on choice

No one in my family knows this, but I guess they will now. I am bisexual. I am tired of fighting it and I am tired of hiding it. I guess growing up in an environment where this was unacceptable; I pushed my feelings deep down inside myself. After so many years of doing that, I am tired.

I have been inspired by my gay friends, like Eric-Equality- Kramer, who are openly gay and proud, and who fight for the rights of others to marry and live with equality. I am joining Eric in this fight!

Staying in the closet does not help the cause. I will lose family and friends over this. Sad, but true. Imagine the guilt and confusion I had as a teen when I felt excited seeing a naked woman. I have pushed my feelings and thoughts down for so long that I am just now trying to figure out who I am. The fact that I denied my own sexuality for so long is very sad.

To my Christian friends:

If you are Christian raising small children right now, please decide now that you will accept, love and support them no matter who they choose to love. I hope that you will put aside your judgment and hostility and learn to love one another. Just like your role model, Jesus, says to do.

Heterosexual friends: If someone told you tomorrow that the world has become homosexual now and the only way for you to be accepted would be to start liking people of the same sex, could you just “choose” to change sexual orientation? No? Well neither can anyone else. Live your life the way you want to live it, and let other do the same please!

A book about women’s sexuality:

"Sexual Fluidity" << read the book review here!

Any other suggestions?







A movie that may give you a new perspective: (Please suggest other movies and I will list them here)

"A Jihad for Love" Part I (watch all 6 parts on YouTube. It is also available on Netflix) Although I think these people are deluded to keep practicing a religion that is so... well, crazy, I do think that this movie demonstrates just how difficult it was for these people to be gay. Even when threatened by jail and death, they were still gay. What does this say?
Read this awesome review of the movie by my above mentioned friend, Eric Kramer.





(Please note: If you are a Christian who is gay or if you are a Christian who accepts and loves homosexuals, please know that this blog is not directed at you. This blog is my own experience with MOST Christians who think that being a Christian means not acknowledging that gays are who they are. If you believe in “god” he made LGBT people that way, so please learn to be more Christ-like)

I will delete any comments that are “homophobic”(for lack of a better word. A phobia is a fear, most people who are homophobic are more hateful than fearful) racist, or hateful in any way. I welcome your views if you can state them in a respectful manner. As you can see this is an atheist blog, so if you are trying to preach to me or convert me, please give up and go to a Christian blog for support and acceptance.


(3 paintings are by me)