When I was a teenager I was not really allowed to talk to a person of the opposite sex, and I especially could not be alone with them. I guess my parents knew that if I was alone with a boy/man that I would try things like kissing and stuff. Which I did (see post called “My First Kiss, Hell here I Come.”) But really, what harm was there in me kissing my boyfriend when I was age 17? Why was it seen as so evil? I felt that if my parents found out I was kissing (not to mention other things) I would be kept in the house until I was 35. So, it had to be kept very secret.
Along these lines is the stupidity with many Christians who say that being gay is wrong and a choice. Let’s use the “Christian” logic again. God made us in his image. God is perfect. God made us with a sex drive. We are sometimes sexually attracted to the opposite sex, the same sex, or both. Yay god! Where is the problem?
The problem sets in when religious leaders preach and push their own sexual repression and dysfunction from the pulpit and all the sheep followers begin to think of sexuality as an evil that needs to be avoided. However, somewhere inside them, they feel ashamed because they love sex. They lust after people and they get excited when they see the human body. They take this shame and guilt and push this belief onto their kids and people in their church. I guess if they can’t feel good about their sex drive, no one should. As I have mentioned before, I think a big problem with Christian preachers (and others) is that they repress their own desires- often for people of the same sex- *shock- and this turns into a hatred of the LGBT community. Why? Because they hate THEMSELVES!
What does this do? It makes people feel ashamed when they feel good. It makes people feel like freaks when they are attracted to the same sex! It causes teenagers to try to have sex before they are ready, keeps them from talking to their parents, and may keep them in the dark about the protections that are available to them. Why would loving parents do this to their children? All in the name of god.
Some religions even attempt to tell married couples what they can and can't do within their marriage. Things such as masturbation, sex toys, other partners, period sex, and watching porn, use of contraception, where they ejacutlate (Catholics believe a man should "cum" inside of a woman only!) and other crazy rules are seen as a sin and are not allowed for married couples. I find it beyond ridiculous to think that people will continue to follow a religion that dictates what they do in their own bedroom!
No wonder I ran from Christianity! Who wants to stick around for that kind of abuse when you find yourself attracted to someone of the same sex? I prefer to be around people who love and accept me the way I am!
Let’s teach our teens that sex is natural and good and fun! Let’s teach them to listen to their instincts and respect their body and others’ bodies too! Let’s teach our kids that sex (when they are old enough and mentally ready) is part of life and love and goes with being human!
Question for all you LGBT haters out there? At what point in your life did you choose to be heterosexual? Think hard now! Watch this video!
Peace and great sex to all of you!
I sympathize with these sentiments. My upbringing in a devoutly Baptist environment has permanently wrecked my sexual outlook. Try as I can to reasonably deconstruct the silliness, it would appear this stuff will just stick with me for the rest of my life.
ReplyDeleteLike a lot of us out there, I'm raising my own son *much* differently. That'll have to do.
One of the podcasters at MBMBAM recently put it best. When you're Baptist, "you take those feelings, put 'em in a bottle. Then you find a bigger bottle and put that bottle in it."
My comedian brother has a joke...when did you first know that you were hetero (asked by GLBT), his reply first time I saw a poster of Allisa Milano (not that funny, I guess). The whole celibate clergy thingy denies basic human qualities. It's just not natural. I guess it is supposed to bring one closer to God, but it really takes one far away from their humanity. Death and sex are not to be acknowledged in Western society...and that is the problem.
ReplyDeleteKriss
ps blog mo'
ugh, my mom actually insists that she chose to be heterosexual. :P Some people, you just can't win no matter what.
ReplyDeleteFor Laura:
ReplyDeleteIf your mom chose to be heterosexual, does that mean she was a homosexual before?
"The problem sets in when religious leaders preach and push their own sexual repression and dysfunction from the pulpit ..."
ReplyDeleteI think a lot of toxic fundamentalist messages about sex stem from this, and homophobia to boot.
Thanks!
ReplyDeleteAs a now-agnostic and former evangelical (the smart kind, not the fundy kind ;) I do think churchianity is overly obsessed with sex.
Thankfully so do some christians, but they are probably the minority.
I also think the paranoia around sex before marriage may actually end up having a detrimental effect on Christian marriages, ironically. Speaking from experience.
I could say much more, maybe will, but gotta run!
Jonathan from Spritzophrenia :)
To be fair to christians, though they say that God created us, they also say that the world is "fallen".
ReplyDeleteIn other words, we're all a bit broken in how we work, so not everything we think or feel is directly from God.
I think this yields some insight into the sexual world, because a lot of it is messy. Where exactly to locate the cause of the messy-ness is hard to pin down. Some of it is probably from repressed religious ideas, but I have a feeling that even if there were no religion we'd still be a bit messy and broken. So maybe this "fallen" idea is useful sometimes?
Jonathan from Spritzophrenia :)
mac, I have no idea. The conversation left me wondering if my mother could be bisexual or something, but she's not exactly the kind of person one could ask. The whole thing left me wondering.
ReplyDeleteas a womyn who both loves and adores God and can feel her heart skip a beat over certain folks of the same gender - the whole thing is stupid - the heart/mind/body is what it is - i can no more not feel attracted to certain people than i can chose to wake up with a second head atop my shoulders.
ReplyDeletei remember my first two crushes in grade school - one for each gender - in the first grade - that says to me i was just born the way i was born which says to me it must be okay since i do fully believe God made me.
see? so simple for me really.
as for teenagers? i just want my daughter safe - from rape, intimidation, disease, unwanted pregnancy, shame, and guilt. i sure hope that's not too much to ask!
This is a great post! The further I get away from Christianity, the more blatantly obvious it is - to me - that the rules and regulations about sex is about MEN having Power - mostly over women - but over other men too. Christianity is still about the patriarch having control over female sexuality. No amount of spinning on how to re-interpret the historical Jesus as someone who advanced female rights changes the fact that patriarchal religions are plain and simple confused and afraid of female sexuality... and sexuality that does not naturally create offspring for the patriarch (homosexuality). I think one of the best things feminism has going for it is the women and girls who leave patriarchal religion behind and remind the secular world that we still have a long way to go, baby. Thanks for the reminder!
ReplyDeleteI am currently struggling with sexual questions about masturbation. I have always felt guilty about it. I want to believe that God is a loving God and wants me to be happy. If masturbating brings me joy and satisfaction, then God would be happy for me. I think Christians should focus more on God's unconditional love than all of these rules we are supposed to live by to be holy. Are Christian leaders missing the boat about God creating us in his image, loving us no matter what and getting to heaven based on our love of God and Jesus rather than our works and deeds? My God is a loving God. I will worship God in a church, but I suppose I will be my own Christian and not belong to any particular religion. Maybe that's best since it seems that religion has gotten away from God and closer to comparing who's holier.
ReplyDeleteI am a very thankful ex Christian who is a Nichiren Buddhist. It has taken me a long time to come around through experimentation using self talk, or self hypnosis, visualizations, affirmations, Wicca, Satanism, Hinduism, strict Atheism, to always come back to my Gohonzon. Not prostelyzing Buddhism here, but just to give some hope to anyone who thinks they can't overcome their sexual hangups that are to be laid directly at the churches feet. It IS there fault. Not in what they say, but HOW they said it. The nukes are going off, the sky is going to fall, I am going to have a heart attack(induced of course by almighty yahweh or jehovah, take your pick), because after all my desire for a really beautiful woman is of the world and it is evil. I have to lie to women(or men) that I am not attracted to when all I have wanted since I was twelve was that girl who I would lay in my bed masturbating over. I am currently 32 and it wasn't until I was about 28 or 29 that I realized I was still looking at sex like I did when I was 12. Christianity causes people(I think men more than women only because us guys it seems even in my own religion now can be overbearing) to not grow up sexually and hide behind this "just wait for the one from god until you tie the knot because sex is so good" mumbojumbo which sounds good at first glance and nothing against people who GENUINELY want to do that(more power to them) but people do this more often than not because of what Anonymous said. How many times did I say things like they did? The bottom line is NO ONE ON THIS PLANET HAS ANY RIGHT TO TELL ME WHO I CAN OR CAN'T SLEEP WITH IF IT IS NOT HURTING ANYONE. At the end of the day do the people who made anonymous feel guilty about masturbating, does whether he or she masturbate in their own bedroom with or without a toy, does that have any bearing on the pastor or any of the so called manipulative little friends at church? NO! It took me a long time to understand that. What I am doing with my girlfriend or wife(if I ever get married) is none of anyone else's business. I also think since I have gotten over 30, I have ZERO tolerance for religious people trying to tell me what my sexual morals should be. I am a grown man and my former pastor ain't my daddy.
ReplyDelete