Love The Sinner, Hate The Sin

Many extreme Christians have phrases and comments that I consider beyond ridiculous. I often just ignore their sayings and move along. However, the phrase “Love the sinner, hate the sin,” is one that I refuse to allow without saying pointing out the ignorance. Here, we will explore why I think the saying is complete bullshit and people need to stop saying it!

1) There is no verse in the Bible that says, “Love the sinner, hate the sin.” Go ahead and look. I will wait. Okay, now that we have settled that, can we agree that you can’t say it is in the Bible anymore? It is not. You can twist a few verses around to try to make it fit for you, but Christians like to do a lot of that anyway, so that is not a shocker. Just stop saying it because you sound ignorant when you do.

2) This phrase is used against LGBT people to justify hatred. So, it’s ironic to think about the fact that some Christians preach about how God is love and try to act like they are such good and moral people, yet their hateful, abusive, and bully-like behavior toward LGBT people is pathetic. I have been taking a class for foster parenting for the past few weeks with my daughter, who is considering taking in a foster child. At least two families in the class have adamantly admitted that they do NOT want an LGBT child/teen in their household. One mother implied that having a gay boy around her sons will corrupt her sons. Really? With up to 20% of youth in foster care identifying as LGBT, I find this kind of attitude disgusting! But, when I think about it more deeply, I realize that LGBT kids would not want to be in their home either. Who wants to be preached at and told they are not okay being who they are. How about Christians worry more about their own hateful attitude toward LGBT people and less about this ridiculous saying. Telling people to love a person yet hate who they are is a sad way to act like a person who is supposed to show love. To love someone is to show unconditional love toward that person.

3) Who are you to decide what is a “sin” and what isn’t? It seems to me that many Christians choose to identify sins as something that they themselves feel negative feelings toward.  Some Christians see tattoos and piercings as a sin. They think you should not modify your body. They may also see alcohol, cigarettes, smoking pot or even dancing as a sin. Does that make those things wrong? No. The thing that Christians can’t get into their heads is that, as much as they are free to practice any religion they would like, they are not free to force those views on the rest of us. Including other religious groups, agnostics, atheists or anyone else.

4) It sounds so damn self-righteous! Maybe some people have heard this saying so much that they think it sounds normal. It does not sound normal at all. It sounds mean, holier-than-thou and just plain rude and hateful. As I stated before, feel free to believe the way you want, but don’t expect the rest of us to go along with you. When you say that you love a sinner, but hate their sin expect a lot of people to see you as an asshole and NOT a good, moral, decent human who cares about other humans.

5) I know I touched on this above, but it needs to be said again. Telling a person that WHO they are is “sinful” is horribly messed up and damaging. Especially to young kids and teenagers. With all of LGBT kids committing suicide in the United States, it is time that we try to make them feel loved, safe and protected. NOT THE OPPOSITE! I would think that Christians would be more focused on things that are offensive and immoral to most of us. Most Christians use this phrase as a passive-aggressive weapon against LGBT people. However, you rarely hear them say, “Love the murderer, hate that he murdered someone,” Or “Boy do we love that child rapist, but we hate that he raped a child.” Rarely does anyone who has a normal set of morals and ethics try to show a lot of love toward these kinds of people. Which proves my point that it is another cherry-picking technique that is used as a microaggression toward people of whom Christians disapprove.

Let's work on trying to show kindness and love to others, the way you claim that Christ has commanded you to do, and leave the rest of us who are just trying to live our lives alone. It would be great if you would consider stopping using this offensive phrase.

Arrogance of Christianity

I recently attended a birthday party for a good friend of mine. I put aside my highly sensitive, introvert messages to myself (Like, ugh, people) and went because I care about her and I know she would come to mine. Her mom invited me and I  really did enjoy myself. The party was at a beautiful park on a lake. They rented out a gazebo close to the lake. Overall, it was very pleasant.

One incident stood out to me that illustrates the complete and utter arrogance of many Christians today. There was a group at the gazebo next to us called "Earth." (At least that is what the sign said.) I thought they looked cool and interesting. Immediately one person pointed out to me (in a very condescending tone) "Those people over there are worshipping Mother Earth." *eye roll I said nothing, but thought to myself "So fucking what?"

Just before we ate, everyone gathered and held hands and forced the group into a Christian prayer to thank God for the food. I awkwardly looked around in disbelief at how often I am subjected to being forced into religious rituals as an atheist.

Toward the end of the party, someone else said to me, again, condescendingly, "Did you see those crazy Mother Earth worshippers over there? I was going to go over and ask them if they were worshipping Jesus" Since I don't hide my facial expressions very well, she quickly added, "I mean I didn't though." All I said was "That's good."

Why do people (and by people I mean mostly Christians) think it's ok to force their beliefs on others, but don't recognize that others have a right to believe how they want? It is the ultimate example of Christian privilege. Think about this, Christians. Think. If you were suddenly told, during a birthday party, a work event, or really, anything, that the majority of Muslims there wanted to have a prayer, how would you feel? Awkard? Appalled that they would be arrogant enough to assume you want to pray to their God? Annoyed? Well, guess what? That is how others feel when you force them into your religious rituals. If you want to be allowed to worship as you please, then you MUST allow others to do the same.


Thanks for reading. I have been on a long break working for crappy places that sucked the life out of me and I am now taking time for myself to write and relax a bit. So, you will see more blogs from me in the future. Please share!

Prayers at Work. Please Stop!

It has been a while. I guess all bloggers must go through stages like this. I write and write and write and then I feel drained. I get away for a while. I think. I write blogs in my head. I think some more. I deal with people at work and situations at work that just annoy the crap out of me. I write another blog in my head but I am too tired to get it down. Repeat.

So, a friend of mine has encouraged me to write again. I have resisted writing for a while now. Mostly because I need so much down time and I never get it. So when I am off work, I avoid activities, like writing, that drain me emotionally. However, after writing this morning, I decided that writing also heals me and moves me forward. So I decided to come over here and write. Even though my family reads this blog (which is why I have not written for a while- I feel like they are so distant from me since I have become honest and open about who I am… and it’s painful).

I mostly want to write about being an atheist in a VERY Christian work environment in the Bible Belt. I recently joined a new department at work. This was a good move for me because the job is much less stressful and overwhelming. Two of the main department heads are gay: A gay man and a lesbian. I thought that this would be an ideal place to work because it is honestly rare to find LGBT people who are extreme Christians. I guess I was wrong about that.

We had a get-together a few weeks ago and shared some food. Just as I was about to grab a plate and get some food, I heard the dreaded words, “Let’s pray.” I was momentarily shocked. My thoughts: um WTF? Seriously? Am I working in a public, State College?? WOW! I looked around, desperately hoping to see someone who did not have their head bowed and their eyes closed. At first, I saw no one. I started to feel suffocated. I started to feel angry. I heard movement behind me in the kitchen area and I saw a coworker in there acting busy. I don’t know if she was trying to avoid the prayer like I was, but maybe one day I will find out that I am not the only person there who resents being subjected to a Christian prayer every time we eat together.

Let me tell you what I have concluded after several weeks of thinking about this incident.

1 1)   I am not being too sensitive to think that this is WAY wrong. Forcing a department to pray to your god is not only rude; it isolates people in other religions (and people with NO religion).

2 2) I find it very wrong to conduct a public prayer session in a place of employment. This is one place that people do not feel safe to say, “Hello? I am an atheist and I really don’t want to pray over the food.” We have to bite our tongues because we have a mortgage to pay and children to support. We also work 8 hours a day with these people and who wants to be the person who makes a big deal about a stupid prayer?

3)      If you claim that you do not discriminate based on race, religion, gender, etc… then this means that you should not PRAY over your meals in a public college.

4)      Doesn’t your religion teach you to pray in private? This public show of religion is just arrogant and wrong.

I asked my son what he thought of this incident. He said this: “How would they feel if you threw down a prayer rug and fell to your knees saying, praise Allah?” Exactly! How about if a room full of people started doing that and there is one person who wants to pray to their Christian god? How would they feel?

I feel that I don’t really fit in anyplace I go in the south. I am a bisexual. I often annoy lesbians who think I should “Pick a side.” I feel lonely at work when people have religious conversations about god, and how things are meant to be. I have had to hear long conversations about how god has a plan for everything, Some of these people are also the worst backstabbing bitches I have ever encountered. So, I vent on my blog.

 I have let go some of my anger. I think this blog has helped. I have a few acquaintances at work who are Christians. We do not talk about religion or politics. I still respect them as humans and see the good in many of them. Some of them, I’m sure, pray for my soul every night. (The ones who have seen my house and my paintings and who know I do not attend church).

I think it’s important for people to realize that the world is made up of many different religions and many different kinds of people. Don’t be the type of person who is arrogant. Not everyone worships your god!

Random Thoughts on "Attack of the Theocrats!"

Sometimes I really want to write in my blog, but I don’t have one cohesive, coherent thought. So, today I decided, so what? I am just going to write what is on my mind right now.

I just finished the book “Attack of the Theocrats: How the Religious Right Harms us all.”
Here are some awesome quotes from the book:

“If there is no God, no afterlife—indeed, if your life on this one small planet is infinitesimally short—then it makes you humble and it might inspire you to plan more carefully.” Sean Faircloth

I would also add that not worrying about an afterlife makes me feel free to enjoy this life and to take advantage of the time that I know I have here to be a good, kind, loving, decent person and to spend every day knowing that I will die. I do not try to be a good person because I fear being burned in hell or because I want a mansion in heaven. I want to be and do good simply because it is the right way to treat my fellow humans.

Here is another quote from the book along these lines from Steve Jobs:

“Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important thing I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life, because almost everything—all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure—these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.”

Even though I have no idea what it feels like to know I will die soon, I have always tried to make decisions based on the “big picture” and tried to make sure to choose my battles carefully and see things from a “death-bed perspective.” When my oldest daughter was born, I remember having a conversation with my parents on the phone about how to raise her. They thought I should follow the James Dobson/Focus on the Family model and see my child as sinful from the beginning and make sure she was properly disciplined. I have always tried to live my life with the philosophy that life is short and I honestly try to use my own judgment and intuition as a mom, rather than listen to some dumb ass preacher who thinks that beating your kids makes them good. I have not been a perfect mom, but I can say that using this philosophy has worked for me and my kids. My kids have all turned out to be wonderful, kind, and productive members of society who have a good heart and who try to be good, moral and loving people. I raised them to think for themselves and I raised them to question things that did not make sense. I never wanted to teach them that just because someone claimed to be in authority over them, they had to “obey” them. I continue to believe that this has helped them to be confident and awesome adults who have their own mind and their own views.

“You will hear Rush Limbaugh complain about “special rights.” Fundamentalists tell us to fear the specter of special rights for gay citizens, though of course, gay Americans aren’t after special rights—merely equal rights.” I won’t go on and on about this, but I am so tired of people trying to say that gay people are trying to get special rights. I am sorry that Rush is secretly gay and that is why he hates gay people, but it is not special rights to want the same thing everyone else has!!! Maybe one day Rush will come out of the closet and stop his ridiculous nonsense, but until then, I guess he has a right to say what he wants to say. I have a right to say he is an idiot!

Moving on to religion and how it is bad for women:

“According to a 2004 study, the most irreligious nations were the most likely to treat women and girls equally. The nations with the most sexist policies tend to be the most religious.” Sean Faircloth

This one seems obvious to me, but this book backs statements up like this with facts and statistics. Most religions, when examined closely, try to keep women down. I mean, read the Bible! It is full of verses that basically tell us we are second-class citizens(or worse!). Preventing women from health care and giving them full disclosure to options available to them is the only way to prevent women from being thrown back to stone ages. Women like Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Susan B. Anthony, and so many others worked hard to help women get the freedom to vote, access to birth control and many are still fighting for women’s rights today. Why would we want to let one religion’s beliefs from an ancient book tell us how we can live in this day and age? We don’t!! So we need to say NO to politicians who want to take away women’s rights and the right to choose what is best. We need to TRUST that most women are smart and capable of making their own decisions and we don’t need anyone telling us what to do with OUR OWN BODIES!

The most important message of this book is in the second half of the book where Mr. Faircloth talks about how we can make a change in our government and how secular governments needs to become the norm, rather than having our country run by extreme fundamentalists who: Hate women, hate gays, hate equality, and who think that blending religion and government is a great idea.

He suggests Ten Guiding Principles of a Secular America. “Our rejuvenated secular America will be guided by these moral imperatives:”

1) Our military shall serve and include all Americans, religious and nonreligious, with no hint of bias, and with no hint of fundamentalist extremism coloring our military decisions at home or abroad.

2) Any federal- or state-funded program, whether offering services domestic or foreign, that relates to reproductive health and intimate sexual decisions shall be based on science and public health, not on religious bias or the denigration of women or sexual minorities.

3) Health-care professionals shall fulfill their ethical and professional oath to address the needs of their patients, and they must do so with no hint of religious bias and in respectful service to the needs of the patients they are sworn to serve—or they must find another job.

4) There shall be no bias based on religion or lack thereof in any land-use planning or environmental laws, and discrimination based on religion or lack thereof shall be prohibited in any employment setting.

5) While marriage can be defined by a religion as that religion so chooses for the purposes of its internal ceremonies, our government shall never impose a religious bias on the definition of marriage.

6) When facing the end of life, all Americans shall be guaranteed control over their own bodies, without being thwarted by religious bias.

7) America’s youth shall never be subjected to religious bias in education. If there is one penny of government funds involved, there must not be one iota of religious bias or propaganda.

8) The composition of our Congress and legislatures shall include Secular Americans, and there must be no political bias against secular candidates

9) There shall be one consistent standard pertaining to the health and welfare of children, no matter the religion of a child’s parents, school, or child-care center. Religious extremists can do whatever they want to their own bodies, but children shall be treated as human beings, not as pawns to be sacrificed in the name of religion.

10) Medical, technical, and scientific innovation shall be dedicated to the health and advancement of our fellow citizens and must never be impeded by religious bias.

When you really think about it, doesn’t this make sense? There are so many religions and so many sects of those religions and so many people from so many different backgrounds, why would we think that choosing ONE religion and trying to blend it with our government is a good idea?

Feel free to leave your respectful comments. Any hateful comments or anything that is just plain RUDE will be deleted. If you feel the need to rant and preach, feel free, but you are better off going to a Christian blog where people will agree with your silliness. I don’t need you to quote the Bible for me- I have read enough of it in my lifetime. Thanks!

Hugs and love to all of you!

Get the Kindle version of Attack of the Theocrats here!

Faircloth, Sean (2011-09-13). Attack of the Theocrats!: How the Religious Right Harms Us All—and What We Can Do About It (Kindle Locations 2726-2727). BookMasters. Kindle Edition.

Love, Acceptance and Tolerance: All Christian Traits, Right?

Call me silly, but when I found out that my parents had read my blog (ya, this one) I expected at least a phone call, or a letter, or something that would give me some hope that they still love me. What I got was an email saying that although they love me, they cannot tolerate my “homosexual lifestyle.” (Somehow this felt like a knife stabbing into my heart and nothing like love.Without the love and help from my friends, my brother Mark and his wife and my children during this extremely difficult time I am not sure how I would have been able to keep my head above the water and not want to end it all. It has been a very challenging problem to work through) Why do we hope for the impossible? Now that I think about it, what did I expect them to say?

“We love and accept you even if you are bisexual?” Or, “Even though we don’t understand how you can be an atheist, of course we love and accept you.” Or maybe “Christ teaches us to love and accept all people, so we welcome and accept you, no matter what.” Well, a girl can hope, even at age 45, that her parents love her unconditionally. But that does not seem to be the case. Is it really that hard to say that your religion has perhaps taken the wrong stance all this time and that perhaps accepting others, no matter what, is a Christian thing to do?

Tolerance- Not the best of terms!

I once read a blog written by a gay man that explained why he hates the word tolerance. I will keep looking for the link (I read it a while ago) but it went something along these lines: I pay my taxes, I volunteer as a big brother, I help older people with their groceries, I don’t steal, I live a moral and good life, I pick up my dog’s poop so others don’t step in it, I vote, I don’t drink and drive, I give to charity, I donate my time to clean up the city, I love my partner etc… (he goes on for quite a while) and then he makes a perfect point: As a gay man, why should he only receive tolerance? To be tolerant implies that you put up with something distasteful and deal with it anyway. Why should he not have equal rights as a human to receive love and acceptance and have people treat him with respect and concern, like they would expect for themselves. The word tolerant takes on a new meaning when you see things from this perspective. People deserve more than tolerance!

If you are truly a Christian and want to follow the teachings of Christ, why would you only want to tolerate a family member (or worse, shun them) simply because of whom they choose to love or care about? A great and supportive friend of mine named Amy says this: “Who cares what genitals a person has when it comes to love?” I doubt-if there really was a Jesus- he would think that rejecting another human being based on who they love was an acceptable way to live.

If you are reading this blog and you have a gay, bisexual or lesbian family member, maybe you should try to see things from what I call the “big picture perspective.” If they died tomorrow, would you still cling so tightly to your beliefs that they were a “bad” person? Or would you not go to their funeral because they were gay? You only have one life here on earth, and whether or not you believe in an afterlife, wouldn’t it be best to treat your loved ones with respect and concern while you are still here to do that? What kind of legacy do you want to leave? Do you want your grandchildren to remember you as the person who refused to love their mother/father and accept her/him for all that she/he is? Do you want your flesh and blood children to spend their life wondering why you do not accept them simply because they are gay? Or do you want to leave a legacy of love, acceptance and kindness to your fellow human beings?

I will continue to write my blog and voice my views because it has helped me to heal from a past that left me feeling repressed. I want to break out of being a victim and become someone who shows my children and loved ones that life is what we make it, and we can stay victims, or we can choose to become better people and strive to love and accept others as they are. I have decided to love and accept my parents, even though their beliefs are the polar opposite of mine. That is what love is about.

Picture: Me and my mom last Mother's Day before she read my blog. I will always love my mom.

Movie Recommendations:
Crash
Milk (With Sean Penn)
Prayers for Bobby (Please share this movie with others who do not accept their gay children)

Where Do I Get My Morality?

I recently had a Facebook conversation with someone that made me remember why most Christians annoy me and turned me off from Christianity. The conversation started as my son-in-law wrote a note on his page that I was determined not to comment on. I strongly believe that people have a right to state their views without having people become rude with them on Facebook.

Although I did not agree with most of what he wrote, I let it go. I love my family and usually find it is smarter to keep my views to myself when it comes to them. Then my other daughter made a comment to one of my son-in-law’s arrogant “Christian” friends and then I felt the need to jump in and defend her. Call me a mama bear. Whatever.

There were many things that annoyed me about what this arrogant dude said: “Evolution is a poor theory,” “I think it is perfectly rational that Noah got two of every kind of animal on the ark” and “Most wars were not fought over religion.” But this is what really pissed me off the most: (said directly to me)

“I need God as my “crutch.” But not as my crutch only but my only foundation, my presupposition for viewing the world. All other worldviews pale in comparison to the inclusiveness, The logical solidity and moral purity of following Christ..."

Then he said “The Bible says, ‘God looks upon the heart.’ He is not interested in outward expressions of morality and goodness.[Note from me: this must explain why so many “Christians’ are some of the most rude, unkind, unforgiving people I know, they figure it just does not matter to god] As I saw on a T-shirt once: God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.” [God must not want him then!]

Then, get this. He said, “Let me ask, where does your (or ANY morality) come from?” [Is he REALLY implying that I have no morals SIMPLY because I do not believe in his god?]

I have to say that since my daughter was just recently married and I love her and I love my son-in-law I refrained from telling their friend off in a not-very-nice way. In his thinking; as long as people are pious and arrogant like this dude, “god” is just fine if we never feed the homeless, give to the poor, help our friends when they need us, raise our kids to be good and kind and moral people, etc…? Their god just does not buy that?

Did he really ask me where my morality comes from? Did he really call himself logical and morally pure? I HATE it when people say things like “God is not interested in outward expressions of morality and goodness.” Really? Did he tell you that personally since you are such a good and spiritual person? I also hate when people say things like “God hates fags” and other dumb expressions like that.

Frankly I don’t really care what god wants or thinks. I have never seen any evidence of a god, therefore when people say things to me like:

You are going to hell
Hate the sin, love the sinner
I will ask god for guidance
I will pray for you
God loves you
God hates you
God wants to you __________
God does not want you to _____________

Or any other such comment, does not affect, distrub or encourage me. It does annoy me though because even if there were a god, I think it would be incredibly arrogant of a person to assume he or she knows what god wants and to believe that god personally talks to them (ie… see how special I am?).

So, to answer this dude's question, I get my morals and my ethics from my own conscience. If something seems or feels wrong to me- like stealing from a store, I don’t do it. If I feel badly when I do something, I stop doing that thing that makes me feel badly.

I was taught as a small child the difference between right and wrong, good and bad, and moral and immoral. If you are going to use the bible as your moral compass, do you really think you would kill your child (like Abraham was ordered to do) if god told you to? HELL NO! YOU WOULD NOT! You would realize that “god” was off his rocker and you would not kill your own child. Why? Because you love your child and you know it would be morally wrong to do it, no matter what.

I think all people should aim to be good, kind, loving, moral, ethical, understanding, tolerant, generous, affectionate, warm, devoted, honest, decent, honorable, open-minded, charitable and giving no matter what their religion may be, and no matter if “god” sees it, or cares. Living one’s life in fear of what will happen in the afterlife is a waste of time! Why don’t we aim to live this life to the fullest and while we are at it, try to make the lives of others good too?

Watch this great video by the “Thinking Atheist” on YouTube about morals and god.

This video, by Christopher Hitchens explains in a perfectly logical way why the biblical ten commandments are a waste of paper (or tablet) haha!

Okay, I am adding this too, don't want to leave out my favorite YouTube dude nonStampcollector. This video shows the irony of some chrisitans asking atheists where they get their morals.
As always, respectful non-hateful comments are welcome. It is not a good idea to preach to me. Go to a relgious website for a preaching platform.

Peace!! :)

Coming Out in Many Ways

As you can see from reading my blog, I have many different reasons for losing my faith in god and Christianity. There is not one event that caused me to lose faith overnight.

I actually can’t even give you an exact time in my life that I could have labeled myself an atheist. For a long time, I knew I was over god, but I just never thought to give it a label.

I know for sure that one of the main contributing factors for my turning my back on the faith I grew up with was the treatment of homosexuals.


 Christians contradict the teachings of their Christ every time they mock, criticize, degrade, forsake, hate, judge, preach against, protest against, ignore, disown or neglect anyone who is gay, lesbian, bisexual, transsexual or transgender.

When I was growing up, the only thing I knew about homosexuals was that they were sinners who were bound for hell. (The way the preachers went on and on about those “reprobates” I thought they were going to hell a lot faster than I was- lol)

For some reason, fundamental Baptist preachers love to harp on this subject. I honestly think, after watching preachers like Jerry Falwell  (Click here to hear Falwell's hate), Pat Robertson, Ted Haggard- and most of the preachers I had to hear every agonizing Sunday- that many of them must have this phobia because they secretly like men and are scared to death to be found out. So, they preach against homosexuality to insure that everyone knows their stance. (Ted Haggard openly admitted this in an interview after being caught with a male prostitute) (Ted Haggard's apology)

The problem for me was this: I was taught that everyone deserved to be loved. My parents were never racist, hateful or mean to anyone. My mom always taught me to love everyone. I experienced a lot of racism toward me when I was a young child because I was one of the only light-haired freckle faced kids in school in Hawaii. (Most kids in my class were very dark-skinned with dark eyes.) I knew how that felt, and I sure did not think it was right to treat people differently because of their skin color.

 So, how was being homosexual any different from being born with dark skin, light skin, freckles, curly hair, or anything else with which we are born??

During the time I still believed there was a god, I wondered why god would make so many people homosexual and then doom them to hell, just because they loved someone with the same body part that they had. What kind of “loving” god would do that? How could he expect humans to be more loving, if he (Mr. Perfect) was that evil?

I could never accept that there was anything wrong with being gay. I had arguments with my parents when I was a teen and in my 20s, but I gave up when I realized it was like talking to a brick wall. They are never going to accept that some people are homosexual because their church/pastor tells them it is wrong. So that is what they believe.

My parents think that most people either chose to be gay, or that they must have been abused while they were young children and that made them gay. Those were their only arguments.

This is what I have to say about choosing to be gay: SO WHAT?? Even if people choose to be gay, which most do not, why does this matter to you? Whether they were born that way, or chose to be that way. Why does it matter to you what someone else does with their body, their love and their heart? Short video on choice

No one in my family knows this, but I guess they will now. I am bisexual. I am tired of fighting it and I am tired of hiding it. I guess growing up in an environment where this was unacceptable; I pushed my feelings deep down inside myself. After so many years of doing that, I am tired.

I have been inspired by my gay friends, like Eric-Equality- Kramer, who are openly gay and proud, and who fight for the rights of others to marry and live with equality. I am joining Eric in this fight!

Staying in the closet does not help the cause. I will lose family and friends over this. Sad, but true. Imagine the guilt and confusion I had as a teen when I felt excited seeing a naked woman. I have pushed my feelings and thoughts down for so long that I am just now trying to figure out who I am. The fact that I denied my own sexuality for so long is very sad.

To my Christian friends:

If you are Christian raising small children right now, please decide now that you will accept, love and support them no matter who they choose to love. I hope that you will put aside your judgment and hostility and learn to love one another. Just like your role model, Jesus, says to do.

Heterosexual friends: If someone told you tomorrow that the world has become homosexual now and the only way for you to be accepted would be to start liking people of the same sex, could you just “choose” to change sexual orientation? No? Well neither can anyone else. Live your life the way you want to live it, and let other do the same please!

A book about women’s sexuality:

"Sexual Fluidity" << read the book review here!

Any other suggestions?







A movie that may give you a new perspective: (Please suggest other movies and I will list them here)

"A Jihad for Love" Part I (watch all 6 parts on YouTube. It is also available on Netflix) Although I think these people are deluded to keep practicing a religion that is so... well, crazy, I do think that this movie demonstrates just how difficult it was for these people to be gay. Even when threatened by jail and death, they were still gay. What does this say?
Read this awesome review of the movie by my above mentioned friend, Eric Kramer.





(Please note: If you are a Christian who is gay or if you are a Christian who accepts and loves homosexuals, please know that this blog is not directed at you. This blog is my own experience with MOST Christians who think that being a Christian means not acknowledging that gays are who they are. If you believe in “god” he made LGBT people that way, so please learn to be more Christ-like)

I will delete any comments that are “homophobic”(for lack of a better word. A phobia is a fear, most people who are homophobic are more hateful than fearful) racist, or hateful in any way. I welcome your views if you can state them in a respectful manner. As you can see this is an atheist blog, so if you are trying to preach to me or convert me, please give up and go to a Christian blog for support and acceptance.


(3 paintings are by me)

One God Further...

"We are all atheists about most of the gods that humanity has ever believed in. [Zeus, Apollo, Hermes etc…] Some of us just go one god further." Richard Dawkins


When I was a teenager, I was very sheltered in my limited Christian world. I went to church Sunday morning, Sunday night, Wednesday night, Thursday night (For visitation; another word for harassing people and trying to get them to come to church). I went to the school that was part of the church, every night we had “devotions,” we prayed before we went to bed and we did not have friends who were not part of the church and school. The only exposure to the outside world we had was when we went to the store, or visited “unsaved” family.

The summer I turned eighteen our family took a trip to Massachusetts to see my dad’s side of the family. It turned out to be the last time my dad saw his father. We were having a good time: I played with my cousins (“unsaved” of course) we swam in the lake near their house and we got to see family we didn’t even know we had. We were there for about two days when I heard my dad and his dad in an argument. The argument went something like this: (very simplified version coming from my memory at eighteen, so it could be a bit flawed)

My Papa: So, if I leave you money after I die, are you going to give it to the church?
My Dad: I will give 10% to the church.
My Papa: Well, I am not going to give you any money then, I don’t want it to go to the church.

After some yelling back and forth, my dad told us all to pack our bags and get ready to leave. It was very disappointing to leave early! My dad was angry for a very, very long time and I remember we tried really hard not to annoy him on the drive home. I felt his anger was like a time bomb.

I remember thinking that my cousins were cool and nice people. I remember my aunt telling me she felt sorry for me that I was so sheltered, and I agreed with her. But mostly, I remember thinking: Why the heck are they going to hell? What made us so much better than they were? Were we being a bit arrogant and mean-spirited?

Most of them were catholics, and my parents belief was that anyone who does not believe the way they do is going to hell. I really started thinking about this. What made my parents think that my cousins and grandparents were going to hell? I could see that my parents did not know everything, obviously at age eighteen I thought I did. (haha) I did not dwell on this thought much, but it was there, swimming around in my thoughts, along with all the other ones. As the years went by I could not reconcile these thoughts. Wasn't I a disbeliever of Allah? And didn't they talk about how wrong we were? So I was an Allah atheist! (haha)

Didn’t the crazy people who flew planes into the Twin Towers on 9/11 believe that their religion was the only right one? Didn’t the pope feel strongly that catholics had the religion thing down pat? What about Jews? What about people who had a different doctrine than the one my parent’s church had? I started to wonder why they ALL felt they were right and EVERYONE else was wrong. There was something wrong with that! The more evil I saw coming from the church, the more I was convinced. They were all wrong! All of them! Not one of them had the right and true religion/god!

Of the main churches we attended growing up we had one pastor burn down the church to get insurance money, one who went to jail for molesting young girls (I was one of them) and one who died in prison while awaiting his trial for molesting who knows how many kids. I saw Ted Haggard fall from grace (a man who was so hateful toward gays and then had sex with a male prostitute) I saw Jim and Tammy Bakker fall off their god pedestal and I I saw so many hypocrites in the churches I attended that I knew christianity was not going to work for me.

I remember being told how silly the stories were that other religions told about the story of creation. Then I began to think that ours was pretty unbelievable too. Watch this funny video by a very funny youtube atheist comedian to put the creation story in perspective

The thing that bothered me the most was when Baptists would say that anyone who did not believe in [their] god was going to hell. If you asked for details, this meant innocent children, people in the jungles of Africa who had never heard of their god ( I was told this was why it was necessary to send missionaries out to save the lost souls) and, as I said, catholics, methoists, muslims etc… What kind of god would send innocent people to hell because they did not get to read “his” bible in their lifetime? Not the kind of god I wanted to worship anymore! I remember when my Papa died my parents said he was probably in hell. This was disturbing to me. Would god really let a person die in a lake of burning fire for eternity because he did not worship an unseen, unproven, useless god who had never done a damn thing for him or his family? Who would want a god like that? Who would be gleefully happy and smug knowing someone was in hell? Who would choose to spend their life worshipping this god? I knew I did not want to waste my life like that!

As this video by The non-stamp collector shows, no god is the right one. The concept of god is wrong. Religion is wrong and people who force it down the throats of others are wrong!



If you have a respectful comment, I would love to hear from you! I welcome all points of view. I do not welcome hate or disrepect and those kinds of coments will be deleted!
I LOVE getting comments, it makes my day! Thanks!!

PLEASE DON’T TELL ME YOU WILL PRAY FOR ME!

"Consistency is severely lacking in religion. If you believe God saved the survivors, you MUST therefore also believe he killed the victims." KT Trebor

If there are any Christians reading this blog, they will be offended no matter what, but many will be baffled when they read the title of this blog. Let me explain why I don’t want to hear, “I will pray for you” ever again!

1) Prayer does not work!

During my lifetime (I am 45 years old, so that counts as good amount of time) I have NEVER seen a prayer answered. Not one. I have never seen anyone’s prayers work any more than normal luck and life happening in its own time. So, if there is ever a time when I am ill, or dying, or some other such terrible life-event. Please don’t tell me you are praying for me. I would rather hear something like. “I love you and I am here for you.” Or “Can I take Noah for a while to help you out?” or any other kind of helpful statement that will actually help me and not make me feel like you are just saying empty words. In his book, “God is not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything” Christopher Hitchens says this about prayer:

…One might open the newspaper to read that the largest study of prayer ever undertaken had discovered yet again that there is no correlation of any kind between “intercessory” prayer and the recover of patients.(Well, perhaps some correlation: patients who knew that prayers were being said for them had more postoperative complications than those who did not…)

Prayers have never worked and never will, because there is no god. If there were a god, he/she would actually listen to prayers and do something about bad things that happen. Thousands of innocent kids and adults die in earthquakes, tsunamis, hurricanes, and other natural disasters all the time. What kind of god would allow that? Beautiful and innocent babies and young children die from abuse starvation and neglect every day all over the world. If god is all-knowing and can control everything, then where is he? So, if any prayers should work, it should be prayers offered up for innocent babies and children. But they don’t work.

When the local story broke about the 7-year-old girl, Somer Thompson, being missing, people began praying, holding prayer vigils and telling news reporters that their churches were praying for her safe return. Somer was found dead in a landfill in Georgia a few days later. Wouldn’t a just, all-knowing, all-loving god have prevented that from happening? Especially with all the prayers being offered up for that sweet, innocent girl? Think about it! Did they not pray hard enough? Did they pray with the wrong attitude? No, they prayed to someone who does not exist. So then, when she was found dead, do they turn to their god and question him? Nope! They say things like, “Well, it was god’s will!” or “He must have wanted her in heaven sooner than other children” WTF? Is that kind of crap supposed to make people worship god? Unfortunately there are people who are dumb enough to keep praying and worshipping this evil god.

Finally consider this quote taken from www.scientificamerican.com"

"The three-year Study of the Therapeutic Effects of Intercessory Prayer (STEP), published in the April 4 American Heart Journal, was the largest-ever attempt to apply scientific methods to measure the influence of prayer on the well-being of another. It examined 1,800 patients undergoing heart-bypass surgery. On the eve of the operations, church groups began two weeks of praying for one set of patients. Each recipient had a praying contingent of about 70, none of whom knew the patient personally. The study found no differences in survival or complication rates compared with those who did not receive prayers. The only statistically significant blip appeared in a subgroup of patients who were prayed for and knew it. They experienced a higher rate of postsurgical heart arrhythmias (59 versus 52 percent of unaware subjects). "

Interesting!!!

2) Prayer is selfish.

Often Christians pray for things like their football team to win, their daughter’s cheerleading team to make the championships or for their car to magically run again. These kinds of prayers are usually self-centered and don’t take into account the fact that there is another team, with equally wonderful and good humans on that team, playing just as hard, and putting just as much work into winning. Of all the problems and pain in the world, is their god really going to be sitting there saying to himself: Yes, you have prayed for your car to work, so therefore I will take time out of my busy day (millions and millions of prayers to “answer”) and will make sure you have a fixed starter. This is selfish thinking, if you really believe in god. I have heard people pray for their team to win over a “non-Christian” school team because they are faithful and offer up prayer. Having god on their side should be enough to help them win the game, right? ha!

3) Prayer is arrogant.

Most Christians I have met are arrogant people. They think that their religion is the one and only right one (despite the fact that there are thousands of other religions in the world) and they think that when people suffer any kind of pain or hurt in their lives they must deserve it One of the main reasons that I turned away from Christianity was the hypocrisy and arrogance that most Christians have about their religion being right and everyone else’s being wrong.
Here is a quote that I took from one of my former students. She posted it as her Facebook Status:

"WOW God is soooo good! I just witnessed a car accident with the car right in front of me! One more second and that couldve been me my sister and my god-daughter! Thank You Jesus for covering us!!"

I would like to know why god got credit for this? What about the people in the car in front of her? Don’t they matter? Are they just not good enough christians so god decided that their car should get smashed? This kind of thinking is dangerous and ridiculous! Someone was driving like an idiot and someone else (an innocent person) had to pay for it. That is how life goes sometimes. Don’t give a useless and evil “god” credit for saving you and deciding to smash up someone else! If there was a good and all-knowing god he would have seen the accident coming and prevented it!

Along the lines of arrogant christians: Just because you prayed for something (ie… a friend with cancer) and your prayers were “answered” please don’t take the credit and say it was because you prayed for them. You really don’t have any more control than any other humans over what would have happened anyway.You are not that special!

Saying “I will pray for you” puts people in a position of power. It gives people the impression that you have a hotline to god, because you are special like that, and that your simple prayer to him is going to change things because you are that important. That is just total bullshit!

4) If god is in control, then why do you have to pray?

Most christians believe that god is in control. They say dumb things like “Let go and let god” and “Jesus take the wheel.” If they believe that way, then what the hell is prayer for? Why waste your time and breath on someone who has already decided the way things are going to be? Why would you want to pray to a god who allows innocent people to be hurt or die while allowing child molesters and rapists to keep on living?

My own experience with prayer not working has been one small step in the direction of being an ex-christian. I never saw it working. I never felt like god was stepping in for me when I was in crisis in my early 20s and married to an alcoholic. Where was god? Certainly not there for me and my small children! I started to realize, not overnight, but slowly over time, that god did not exist.


P.S. There is a movie, based on a book called "Prayers for Bobby." Bobby was gay and his parents were christians and would not accept it. So Bobby prayed to god that he would not be gay. But his prayers did not help. Bobby killed himself because he was gay and god was not there to help him. I will write more in future blogs about how religion is dangerous in so many ways! Aceptance and love would have helped Bobby. Not prayers!

Here is a link to the movie:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y78m84V29DQ