Sunday, December 19, 2010

Picking and Choosing

So, listen up Bible thumpers! You can't pick and choose what you want to follow from the Bible. Either you follow all of it or none of it.

Personally, I think the bible is a book written by a bunch of racist, slave-keeping, sexist, men. But, if you want to believe it and follow it like it is some god-ordained book, that is your business, but don't be a hypocrite. If you want to take Leviticus 18:22 ("You shall not lie with a male as one lies with a female; it is an abomination") as the holy, spoken word of god, then take everything else in the old testament as god's word too.

This article says it better than I could. The point of the article is that people are being ignorant to take one tiny verse from the bible and use it as the basis for their entire belief system. If you eat any kind of meat that comes from a pig (which I know damn well a lot of you ignorant redneck, "god-fearing" people do) then YOU should be treated the same way you treat gay people; at least according to your precious book.

Who gave you the authority to only pick verses that back up your homophobic tendencies? Why is it more wrong to be homosexual than it is to wear polyester? If you took a minute to THINK FOR YOURSELVES and really look into things, you would realize that you are being hateful, hypocritical, arrogant, and just plain stupid to hate someone for how they are from birth. You are also extremely ignorant to follow a book that depicts your god as a murderer. You sit there and tell your children stories about how god wiped out the entire earth and killed everyone on it and let Noah and his family live. You tell your kids this story like it is a good story. If you really thought about this story you would realize it is a terrible story to tell a child? Some of the bible stories people tell their children are just downright disturbing, but because they come from the bible, they are okay? THINK!

The same people who stand in the pulpit and preach against being gay are the very ones who would never let their children make fun of someone who has black hair, blue eyes, dimples, gray hair, freckles, glasses or anything else that can’t be changed. Why do you teach your children (or congregation) that people who are gay are going to hell?

This week, I found out just how sad it can be to be treated as an outcast in your own family. My girlfriend invited both of my sisters over for dinner at our house the day after x-mas. She also sent them a friend request on Facebook. Neither responded to her or accepted her friend request. One sister wrote to me and told me that they had to do what was best for their children and hoped that there were no “hard feelings” about it. Then said she would love to see me and my kids (but did not mention my girlfriend). Apparently, my parents are not inviting my girlfriend over for x-mas; just me and the kids. Well, I will not accept that kind of hatred from my family. If they can’t invite my partner, then they are going to miss out on our company.

How any family can be so hateful and mean-spirited to their own daughter/sister is beyond my understanding. My kids are welcome to go over there, but I am NOT going. If it is more important for them to be "right" and to hold on so tightly to something so obviously ridiculous, then they deserve to be sad. They deserve to miss out on having me and Catherine in their lives.

 It is so disturbing to hear my sister say she has to do what is best for her family. What the hell does she think I am going to do? Talk about my lesbian sex life with her kids? WTF? I have never been anything but kind, loving, accepting and understanding to my sisters and would do just about anything for them or their kids. I would protect their kids with my own life. I have raised my own kids and have done a decent job at protecting them and teaching them about life. THANK GOODNESS I was smart enough to raise my kids not to hate and discriminate against other people.

I have honestly never felt so hurt and sad in my entire life. Being rejected by your family is really, really painful. I know I need to move on. They are never going to change or accept the fact that I am in love with someone who has a vagina, rather than a penis. Just WOW!

Why am I no longer a Christian? Exactly because of bullshit like this!


  1. oh man. so sorry to hear this! people are such assholes. i'm sorry they're hurting you; nobody can stop them but they don't really have the right to do that.

    sending goodness your way...


  2. :( I am so sorry. And I'm sure that, according to them, it's all your own fault, doncha know! :P :P :P

  3. "Cherry picking" is the worst-take it all, or take nothing. Sorry about the 'fams' thing. I only talk to two peeps in my family-really hate this time of year. G-luck.


  4. I am so sorry. This is so, so sad. Besides feeling sad for you and the loss you are mourning, I also feel sorry for your family missing out on you and Catherine and your life together and seeing you happy and in love. Love is beautiful. Period. Love should be celebrated.

    The other thing that really crosses my mind is that from the stories about Jesus that I have heard (that's what makes someone Christian, right? the Jesus part?) it sounds like he was pro-love. I know very little about religion but it sounds like he would definitely be in favor of love instead of what is going on within your family of origin. But maybe I'm wrong. I don't know this Jesus who is pro-hate. Maybe there are 2 guys named Jesus and I'm thinking of the one who loved mankind so much he supposedly died to save them or something? Maybe I'm confused.

  5. Hey man, I'm Jewish, and also gay. The Jewish community accepts me for who I am and I cherish that. This is something I dislike about christianity/other religions, and I couldn't agree with you more. I think it's awesome that you were bold enough to leave Christianity and talk about it, and I'm diggin' your blog.

  6. I think every Christian has to be a pick and choose Christian to some extent. After all, there are lots of Bible contradictions sites which show that the book doesn't even agree with itself.

  7. I am a christian. And it is things like this that sadden me. When we as Christians reject people (regardless of what they chose to do) we cause them to reject Christ. My prayer is that you keep your relationship with Christ. Besides He died for us. People didn't die for us. And He loves you still. Have a blessed life. And remember there are people who do love you. Celebrate that!!

  8. Wow. And, boyOboy, you have the kohoneys, too. Don't wanna meet you in a dark alley during the day... OR at night. Nevertheless, this is just my speel. Whether you wanna believe me or not, i AIN'T yer Divine Judge. We all go through a time of doubt, girl. Certainly I did. Maaany times. You were once Christian! Kick-ass!! Why did you become a dyed-in-the-wool atheist? Could ya answer me on one of my posts? Thanx --- Lets get past alla the hypocritical BS of religion we mortals think and focus on how infinitely teeny-tiny our existence is. 88ish meeesly years VS. the length and breadth of eternity?? Whether you wanna believe-me-or-not, is certainly up to one person. You. However, you alone outta the billions of human beings have a precious, indelible soul. You can certainly see, can’t ye, why I wanna kiss your adorable feet Upstairs?? Good. I’m glad we got that point straightened-out. Love you. See ya soon. God bless.

  9. Very sorry you had to go through that, have to live with that, it is wrong. When I was an evangelical we went through a decision like that with my aunt and her partner. We opted not to go to their wedding. Even though we probably would not have gone based on distance anyway, and that was the only way we distanced ourselves from their sexual orientation, it was a very significant one to them, and it is a decision I still regret greatly. Actually, it was a big catalyst for me giving up christianity.

    Have you heard this Dar Williams song?

    Similar theme to what you are writing about, with both a sad and hopeful message.

  10. I read your entire blog this morning. Good luck in your journey. I left the church almost 40 years ago. I offer the following gentle advice, for you to consider if any of it would benefit you.

    1) It is a cliche, but the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference. It seems to me that right now you are feeling toward religion like a jilted lover might feel. Ranting about how he (Christianiaty) broke your heart, and didn't turn out like you expected, and had a very seedy underbelly. Think about some relationship that you've had in the past and right after it was over, you had feelings of hurt, anger, betrayl, etc. Hopefully now you no longer focus on some event that happened long ago. I truly believe that you will be happier in life if you can let go of the religous hurt in your life. Become indifferent about it and it will lose much of its ability to cause you future hurt.

    2) Please try to forgive your family, even though they may not have asked for forgiveness. Forgiveness is for the benefit of the forgiver. Love them unconditionally, and it will benefit you. It seems like you want your family to change and they want you to change. They want you to be someone else and you want them to be someone else. Don't they have as much right to be intolerant religous fanatics as you have a right to be bisexual? It might seem like I am somehow siding with them but I am not. I am trying to help reduce the hurt that you feel.

    3) Change your relationship with your family in order to protect yourself emotionally. Most pain in human relationships comes from unmet expectations. You EXPECT them to behave decently toward you, and when they don't, you feel pain. Why do you EXPECT that they can accept your changes so quickly? I think people such as you have described your family would take years to accept the types of changes you are going through. Be patient. People in general are very slow to accept change. You can greatly reduce the pain you feel by lowering your expectations. The flip side of this is that you need to reduce their power to hurt you.

    Your family is who you choose it to be, not who you have the misfortune to be related to by blood. Please think about this. You must have supportive friends. They are your family. If you will think about your parents and siblings as more like distant cousins, you will likely feel less pain. If your cousins disapprove of you, it doesn't hurt you as much as if your parents disapprove of you. And if a stranger disapproves of you, hopefully you give it almost no power to hurt you at all. You have control over how much power you grant someone to hurt you, and I encourage you to grant your family less power to hurt you. Distance yourself from them, and surround yourself with people who will love you and brighten your life. This is not something that you can do overnight, but you can do it.

    I recommend that you limit your contact with your birth family. Keep it at the most superficial level, and don't ask them questions where the answer that they give you might hurt you. And don't say things to them that will be hurtful to them just because you feel some compulsion to speak the truth. To the greatest extent that you can, remove their ability to hurt you. Meanwhile surround yourself with your true family, those friends who love and support you.

    I wish you the very best of luck with your family, and with life in general.

  11. Lori, maybe you can direct your family to check out some of the Christian groups out there that are pro-gay, and inclusive.

    Ask them to look at "Evangelicals Concerned" on the web, and see what they think.

    Another group is "Inclusive Orthodoxy."

    Perhaps your sisters and parents may seem like lost causes to you right now, Lori, but there have been plenty of people in the church exactly in the same place whose minds have been drastically changed overtime.

    It never hurts to plant good, and compassionate seeds with folks even if they may take some time to come to fruition.

    Best wishes, and prayers that God will change their hearts. So sorry that you're going through all this.


  12. you can still probably be gay and be christian, it would just be a sin.

  13. This is terrible! I'm so sorry.

    A good film I watched after leaving Christianity is called "for the bible tells me so"

    It inspired me to start the website just as a statement to the very stupidity you write about above.

  14. You are to abstain from sexual immortality, blood from animals, and food sacrificed to idols. Those are important. The old testament is examples of God's love. Things that go against the ten commandments are still sins. But we are called to handle judgment in a different way. We are to correct believers from sin.


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